#213: About Feelings

From where shall I start?!

Three years ago, or maybe more, I have been keeping a secret journal where I used to lay down all my feelings and fantasies about a love that I was not able to admit. Back then, I knew these feelings were not right, and it was not a true love, and that is why I couldn't admit it. Randomly finding this journal, and reading it today, made me discover how naive I was for believing in my feelings.

But then again, who am I to judge my former feelings. I mean, this is not right; feelings are supposed to be always right. Actually, they do not fall in the categorization as right or wrong. They are just feelings that come to us and we must accept them as they are. We should not judge our own feelings to say they are right or not. We should accept them, and let them be felt as is.

So, maybe I was right about everything I have felt back then, because up till this moment I still fall for the same things, and the same feelings. What actually matter are the decisions we take regarding the feelings we have.

Therefore, I am proud of not admitting these feelings I had long ago, because I realize now that keeping my feelings hidden was the most right thing to do. As, everyone else who admitted their feelings, that resembled mine, are now deeply hurt. And I will not resent my feelings in the way. They had to be felt! I am a human being and I was created to feel what I have felt being put in the situation I was in.

I am losing it, right?!