Daydreams...

" Because most of us all walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We really don't experience the world fully, because we're half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do ." ~ Morrie (From: Tuesdays with Morrie , by Mitch Albom)  And this is how I live. I walk with my eyes closed. I can't see clearly. All places and all faces are the same to me. No memory stays for long inside my head. The world around me turned into just some fickle visions passing by my eyes so quickly and so vaguely. Maybe it's a lack of sleep, or an excess of consciousness. Maybe it's a lack of ambition, and maybe it's just a transient state of aimlessness. A lot of maybe's and could be's are racing in my head. Nothing is certain, nothing is true. And the world suddenly became gloomy, uninteresting, and meaningless.  Well, it really truly is! Everything this life has to offer me is worthless. That's a truth I'm happy to be aware of. Bu

Life is a series of rooms. You enter a room, stay there for a while, and then you leave to enter the next room. And only the persons you are stuck with in the room you are in right now, are those who add to your life. Not what's happening outside the room, not the cars making such a noise, not the children crying, not the birds, and not the wind blowing. It's only the room you're stuck in at this very moment and whoever there stuck in with you. This is your life, your rooms!

            I have no idea where the words have gone. They are lost in a maze of silence. The maze is full of barriers of unrecognizable feelings, where their magic is gone. There's no more glitter in the air, no fancies, no imagination, and no ability to express, inspire, or impress. And all the promises made, and all the dreams are captivated, in this maze of silence.

I have a dream, a life of my own imagination, a life I wish to live one day, the life of my dreams. Yet, you and my dream don't seem like you fit together! كان نفسي احكي للناس عنك و اتباهى بيك. و كل شوية اجيب في سيرتك. و كل ما حد يكلمني عن موضوع جديد اقوله: "آه, حبيبي حكالي القصة دي". بدل ما كل ما افتكرك بيني و بين نفسي, اسكت و ما اتكلمش و اقول لعقلي: "مش تنسى بقى؟!" و اقول لقلبي: "لسة بتحن له؟! بعد ما كسر لك حلمك؟!" ... بقيت بالنسبة لي تجربة و عدت بعد ما كنت في نفسي كل حياتي. ولو أن حلمي بيك مش هيكمل! فحلمي معاك مش هيكون!   و أنا اخترت احلم!ا

All my life I've been trying to put my life on track, and I keep failing. But I come back another day, and I try again. For I believe one day I'll find the track I'm looking for. But then you come along, and you ruin my life. And all my trials and all my plans, wishes, and hopes get smashed in front of my eyes. And I take time, a lot of time, to get myself glued back together. But when I finally manage that, you find another way to break me. I've let you do so, I know. And I'm still letting you, I know. But you keep telling me you're doing this for me. I believe you. I believe I'm selfish enough if I don't believe you. And it's all your fault. You've lead me into submission. And I've lost myself in you. No that is not a good thing. And no, you won't give up. But I won't stop praying. I won't give in. And I'll keep trying, till death do us part. That's a promise I can keep!