Daydreams...

"Fresh starts... Thanks to the calendar they happen every year -just set your watch to January. Bringing on the great tradition of new years resolutions. Put your past behind you and start over. It's hard to resist the chance of a new beginning, a chance to put the problems of last year to bed. But... Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It's not a day on a calendar, not a birthday, not a new year. It's an event, big or small, something that changes us.  Ideally it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to."  -- Grey's Anatomy TV series

Well, yes! There's something, something occupying my mind. I mean it's trying to, trying to jam into my mind so that I think about it and... and I know that the consequences are not on my side! That's why I don't want to talk, I don't want to think. Because I don't want to ruin it. Because it's so sweet to be true. It's like a dream coming bit by bit true. But here's why I don't want to think it over. Because it's like happening in a wrong time. Because, I've let go that dream months ago and I've moved on and had other dreams. Why is it coming to chase me again?! Because every dream we dream, if it doesn't come true when it's supposed to, it loses its identity. I guess! So...I'll just live it as it is. I won't think about it or even mention it. Like I forget it happened. And I'll try to enjoy it as much as I can, so that when it all goes away, I don't get hurt and I don't get to miss it too. Because

My today's life lesson is: Don't you ever be afraid., EVER! Because, well, what are you gonna lose anyway? Everything, literally everything, in this life is risky. Staying at home, where you think you're safe, is risky. And going out doing adventurous stuff is also risky. Hiding your identity from everyone is risky, and so is showing yourself up to the public. Everything in this life is a risk, it's a matter of a choice. Your choice. I keep running around and trying to find a way out of this but I stumble upon the same fact every time. It's You, it's all up to you. Your choice and there's no one else to help you except you. Act like it and stop forgetting it! And also, any choice you'll make, besides that it's only Your choice, it's also a right decision. No one has the right to blame you, as long as it only concerns you, or you are a part of it, and that it's nothing that would make God angry. Because you really are shouldn't be Afra

An update, just for you readers, I'm going to start something new on the first day of the coming new year. I hope it is the fresh new perfect start I've been wishing for. Though I'm not so excited about it and I'm not totally sure that it's going to be the perfection I've always daydreamed. But I'm hoping really hard that it will miraculously turn out to be the one I've imagined. Nevertheless I'll work hard for that. Pray for me please, and wish me luck. I'll need it! =)

Time isn't enough for me to write all that I want to say. Not because they are a lot, but because they vanish from my mind. My mind couldn't hold them long enough. But one day I'll remember and I'll say and write them again. I haven't lost my hope. Not ever I will. Chasing opportunities. That's a hard "thing". Because you never know if it's an opportunity or not. You never know if it's the one you're meant to catch or not. You just don't know what's coming next and what's hidden, so you can't easily decide and catch it as it flies. Because they do fly, opportunities fly in a glimpse of an eye. But they only fly if you let them fly, because they do come to you and stop for a while, long enough for you to decide if you truly and sincerely want to catch them or not. Yes, again and again, it's up to you, it's totally left for you to decide. I love it here, and I've missed it a lot!

ساعات بسأل نفسي مين الناس دي؟ و إزاي بقوا كده؟ و لا أنا بقيت كده إزاي؟ مين الي اتغير؟ و مين الي بعد؟ و ليه بعدنا؟ و بقى ايه مصيرنا؟ و يا عالم لسه الي جاي ايه؟ يا ترى كانت حياتنا هتبقى  عاملة ازاي لو كنا فضلنا؟ كانت حياة مين هتغلب؟  و لا كانت هتبقى حاجة تانية؟ كل واحد فينا مشي في اتجاه عكس التاني اتجاهات لا يمكن تتقابل في يوم و مشينا و اتفرقنا بس بنرجع نتلاقى  في ذكرة قديمة مشوشة بالعافية قادرين نفتكر ها و بنفضل عايشين في صورة,  ليك أو ليا,  برده قديمة,  مش فاكرين شايلنها فين و فجاءة بنتقابل من بعيد لبعيد مش بنتكلم  بس بنسمع بعض  و بنشوف بعض  و بنعرف أخبار بعض " ايه ده, دي اشتغلت؟!  و ايه ده, ده خطب! ما شاء الله " و بنفتكر قد ايه كنا قريبين  و قد ايه كنا بنحب بعض و نرجع نسأل نفسنا ليه بعدنا و ليه اختلفنا و يا ترى كان ايه هيبقى مختلف لو كنا فضلنا محدش بيجاوب, محدش عنده إجابة و يومين و كل واحد يرجع لطريقه و كأننا لا اتقابلنا و لا حا

It so hard like a rock that if it falls on you, you'll die! When you know that you've been replaced. Or that's how you think. When you reserve for someone a large portion of your heart, but then you're faced with the fact that that someone never came to fit in that place in your heart. However, the past sentences don't represent how I feel right now. Because I'm so happy, I'm deeply drown into happiness. Because memories have been recalled today for me. Because, today, words from the heart were spread everywhere. Because I love and I'm loved back. Because I have faith, and I have hopes. And I can smile and can make others smile too. Well, I won't be fair to describe it more. Because it should be felt and not told. However again, somethings are still repeating themselves up, some hurtful, heart-breaking stuff! But here I am, strong and bright and happy and willing to fight. I was about to go, but I have this on my mind: Maybe you don't know

I've had a dream, no it's a nightmare. Because in that dream I dreamed last night, all of my life's dreams crashed down. I've lost you! Dramatically. I didn't want to talk about it because talking about it makes it stay longer inside my head. I've been avoiding it but I fail and it never leaves me alone, every now and then the picture of you leaving and me crying, according to that awkward nightmare, pops up on my mind! And I had a hard time convincing myself in the morning when I woke up that you are still here, still beside me. Yes I get scared, so many times and every time actually. Every time I think I've lost someone. I get scared of what the future might bring for us. I'm scared of the idea that I might be left alone one day with no one beside me when I need people the most! I fear having no one to share my laughs and my tears whenever I laugh or shed a tear. Yes I'm too afraid. I'm too afraid to reap what I've sown, though I haven&#

Well, no one is perfect, you know. And I'm striving to be perfect, I mean good at least, or maybe I can hit it and be great one day. But I strive and work hard for it, I really do, this is one thing you should know and keep in mind. So don't try to judge me or think how I can be.        And don't make it hard for me to speak and tell what's in my heart. And be a friend who listens, shares and then guides.  Be the picture I'm trying to draw for you in my mind. Because sometimes I really need a friend, a friend who is me when a friend is needed. And I keep looping around and settling to the fact that no friend is good for me but Me. In the end, May Allah guide "Me" to the right path. Because in the end no one will guide me except Allah...

Here it comes, my let out, the air my mind breathes, my best friend, my guide and mentor, my love, my work, my life and my everything. It's this white page. This white page calls me every night and it asks me: "How was your day?!" "Is there something bothering you?" "You look happy today, oh tell me I can't wait to be happy for you." "Have you learnt anything today?!" "Have you got a story to share?" ... Some nights I answer it, because I'm so desperate to talk. Other nights I ignore its call just because I don't have a suitable answer. And sometimes the answer is so, so long that it'll take days to tell, not just a night. But it still calls me every single night, and it has never given up on me, it's a true and real friend. Sometimes it has things to tell me too -yes it's a two sided relation- things it wants me to learn, and enjoy listening and talking about. It's incredible and amazing. Tonight is o

With a mix of pride, contentment, tiredness, enjoyment, laughter, walking, easiness, and lots of happiness around me, I had a happy day today. Sadly it ended with a big disappointment, and a shock. When I found myself like a fool who can't understand a thing as I have I no idea what they were talking about! Though I thought I'd be the first to know before anyone else could know anything at all. I was hurt, deeply, because I could have never imagined that coming from you, you: the one who I thought together we were inseparable. Now it's like we are strangers! ... I'm shocked! I wonder whose fault is that? Mine? Because I disappeared for a while, because i walked out of the picture for just some little minutes? Why haven't you called me to get back into the picture quickly?! I'm desperately in need of an answer to the question: "What happened to us? What brought us to here?" posted from Bloggeroid

Blogging will be totally different form now on. It's all because I've been introduced to Bloggeroid, something i've been dreaming of since long. My thanks goes to the one who introduced it to me, I owe him too much, and even much more. You'll witness the difference! ;) posted from Bloggeroid

Dear husband-to-be, Though I don't really know who you are, I can just claim that I do, I want you to know this. It's your love for me that has been protecting my little heart from getting broken into little pieces. Pieces that I can't ever gather again. You are my saviour, always was and forever will be. So, you better love me good, and love me so hard that you'll hold my heart too tight in your hands so you make sure it could never fall or get harmed. Your loving wife-to-be. posted from Bloggeroid

Dear friend, Seeing us getting far away from each other is killing me. I can come up with many reasons like maybe because we were inseprable and... I know you're busy, I totally understand what has been keeping you away and I can give you your space and let you live your life freely. But here's the thing, I've been waiting for you. There's where I went wrong. Because you haven't come to me when you could, or maybe u did, but just not hard enough. And it's all been my mistake because I'm the one who has been waiting, expecting. I'm the one who is not moving on with my life freely, i still dwell on the times when we were inseprable. But you have a total different life now and you're over those times. I couldn't tell you this face to face because, I know it's not your fault and it's out of your hands. I just want you to know that i really care so much that it aches! ... Will love and miss you forever, Your faithful friend. posted f

Mr. Loneliness is tapping on my shoulders and telling me not to worry because he's staying with me all night long. And he whispers: "it's okay to eat whatever and how much you ever wish to eat!" I try not to listen and kind of ignore his existence. So I switch on the TV. But then the lights go out. Mr. Loneliness says: "Don't you worry sweetie, i'm right here beside you." .... posted from Bloggeroid

Watching the world from behind through a small window... Sometimes I see myself living in a world to which I don't fit. The friends I say I have and the people I say I belong to, sometimes I see that they don't represent the real me. I'm not like them. But here comes a question: Why do I seek to fit in while I can easily stand out?! If I see myself different than them, then that's a privilege. Everyone seeks to be unique and tries to find something that makes him recognizable from the rest, something where only his name is mentioned when the conversations come to that thing; he's the only one for it! But then comes another question: How can I stand out?! Sometimes I seem to know the exact answer to that question, and other times, which are more, I just don't. And here is where I am stuck. Because trying to fit in, though it's a lovely place to fit in, is not working for me. I'm born to stand out. And standing out, for me right now, is a bit hard

Write, then write, then write some more. Even if it takes you to never stop writing, then on't stop writing. Because...it helps, and in my case it achieves. And I really need that. Nobody said it would be easy.  Well, life, after all, is meant to be a struggle.  So strive for life...