Daydreams...

I saw her today. I'm totally unable to remember when was the last time I've seen her, talked to her or even thought of her. Breaking the ice that's between us wasn't easy at all, wasn't accomplished as well. She was different, totally. She was broken, somehow. She wasn't shining brightly as she always does. However, there was some sort of light trying to glow out of her. And she has a dream, well it's just a seed of a dream but she has what it takes to let it grow into a dream and a reality as well. She used to be my sister, my secret keeper, my childhood friend and my forever dear best friend. But now, time and space have pushed us away and froze the road between us. Just one thing that didn't change, our warm hug. That was the only thing that gave me the hope; our hearts are still and will always stay the same. She is my cousin.

It doesn't taste the same as it says. It gives me a false impression. Everything. And I never learn, I still fall for it thinking it might fall into place this time and fill the gabs. I go on till I find out that it had fooled me; it didn't taste the same as it told me.

Anyone can easily figure it out, describe it and put it in an easily understandable sentence. Simply because it's a pattern that keeps repeating itself. Even breaking the pattern is as hard as the hardest thing in life. Because a break in the pattern is usually some random and shallow noise that rapidly gets back to its sainty, back to its pattern. I wish some day the break becomes strong and sharp enough to change the whole pattern and turn it into a totally different new pattern so that it can never easily return back. I'm the Queen of the night, sometimes the working boy, but I'm the beast that the morning hates!

I gave up a bit, or said that it really doesn't matter this much. Until I read a short note that reminded me of the committment I've started myself. Then I thought why don't I quit quitting at least the one thing I cannot quit?! It should take from me whatever it takes to be set free. As a matter of fact, keeping it running is the true aim. It doesn't have to be felt or even understood all the time, but it has to exist. So I won't let it die since I can. And I can and I'm back. My sincere thanks to the short note!

"That's brilliant. Brutal but brilliant. Thank you!" "Because I ran out of reasons why we shouldn't!" "Don't blow away. Anything could happen." "I apologize for the bloody delivery." I want to read, I want to write a lot! I want to go to England! Okaaay, I just want to live that movie I've been just watching, "The holiday" . And … besides that it really is the movie I needed to watch, the one that takes my breath away and makes me dream high and just shine in my dreams, it's really an inspiring movie and it got out all the emotions kept inside. I was already too emotional, I couldn't figure out why! But that movie came right in time to finally get it out of me. Okay, back to the movie. Listening to the language, the English, the words, all that brought back to me my passion towards words, words that inspire and leave a ring in your ear, words that if read alone would mean nothing at all but

If it happens, it'll be the only thing that truly breaks me. If it happens, I'll have the perfect right to dwell in my darkness. And as much as I try to convince myself that this isn't what's going to happen, but I can't think of myself differently if it ever happens. Let's hope for the best. July, 12 

I wish for some magic in my life. Magic where meaningless things happen, things that I scold and get me on my nerves. Then magically they turn out to be the best things ever happened. That's what I call Magic. But wait for a minute here, doesn't that what really happens in life? Is there any better Magic than the magic that Allah gives you each day, the magic of having a new day, another chance? Is there a better magic than a pure faith that you're always guarded and taken care of? Isn't that magic enough? That all things that happen to you always turn out to be the best things ever happened? Isn't life itself a magic?! And you know what! The magical words are: Wait and See! :) July, 10

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. The problem never lies in the problem itself, nor in the solution; the problem is actually finding the solution to the problem. Sometimes the problem is fixed by just finding a true solution for it and not by actually putting that solution into action.

I hid it deep inside because I didn't know how to say it. But hell no, I'm not fine! Tears are on the edge of my eyes waiting to fall off. But there was no strict and sharp answers to all the questions I've been asked. That's why I decided to act as if I'm getting better, as if I'm healing and nothing urges my tears to step closer to the edge of my eyes! Simply because no words could ever be said to heal me, they might just cut me more, same as what your words now have just done; they didn't say enough to put a smile on my face. But that wasn't what they should have done, they were meant to tell the truth and nothing else and that's what they did so thank you. But what was wished for was something that heals rather than burdens more. But never mind, it's never your fault, it's always mine and how I always seek the wrong expectations. It's as the great quote says:   "Expectation is the root of all heartache." July, 10

It's silly, yet you have to accept and get along with it. You don't have the right to argue, because then you'll be an inconsiderate person. It's very weird because they themselves have this right when it comes to your silliness. Is it because you don't try to be silly and you try to be honest instead? Why do people always have to make up silly stories to make us accept their silly excuses? Why don't just people be honest, considerate and accept different excuses all at the same time? Everyone is fighting a very hard battle, so be kind even when you give out your own excuses and you need others' sympathy; just don't give silly excuses that makes others feel frustrated. Be kind and apologize if it's necessary, you're not right all the time and even if you're right, you might be hurting someone else unintentionally. Being kind saves the day then. And you can never be over stressed and over burdened to be kind with others. Remember that ev

It has passed, the storm. Since that cold and windy night, the night when the storm started and I decided to learn that dance in the rain, three months have passed now. The storm is finally on its way to end, it has just two weeks left to keep storming. Maybe the storm will be at its hardest in those coming two weeks. But here's what I need to consider? Have I been hiding waiting for the storm to pass? Or did I truly walked through the storm and made it till the end of learning that dance? There were days where the sun shined up high and the storm was calm; I had my best memories on those days. I had other days where the storm was too strong that I couldn't even stand facing it; I had to hide then. Other moments I just kept walking against the storm trying to reach the end. However, the storm had passed, almost. Yes I still have some more days to suffer, but they'll pass as the rest had passed. And I'll keep wondering was I the greatest warrior during that storm? O

Not knowing how to describe it, it's something that can only be felt from deep inside. It reminded me of how beauty is still there in life. Things that I've abandoned because the beast has captivated me inside its jails. And sadly I've given up for the beast leaving it to take over me and put me in the darkness of its shadows. But today, beauty came to show me the way towards her. She came to tell me that my place isn't down there in the shadows, it's up there beside the light. That light isn't just the light of joy, it's the light of hard work that shine even brighter than the light of pleasure. The light of sever tiredness that comes to you at night because you've been working very hard and actually you've achieved some results. That light that lasts for ever. And today, I'm happy that I had it all again, the pure appreciation and feelings full of gratitude. Let me tell you that you'll keep shining as long as you live. May your shi