#173: Nonsense

I've only listened because I respect you, I respect your anger and care about me. And I couldn't tell you that all you're saying is exactly what I'm thinking. I can't make you trust me again. I can't make you understand that I am strong enough to appreciate all the good you did to me. I can't convince you that I'm right and not by any means wrong. That I stood up for my right and your rights too. I can't tell you that I'm a good daughter. It's something that must be proven, not said.

But what you did didn't help me much. It only increased my pain. Not because what you were saying was wrong. But because the words were tough. Very tough indeed. You've put my self esteem down. You've made me feel like a worthless messy ignorant person. Maybe you think this supports me; but it doesn't. This isn't what I need right now. And how could I even know what I actually need. I'm broken, lost and my thoughts are messed up.

However here's how I see it. You gave me a slap on the face as a reminder of something I haven't forgotten a bit. Yet, thank you for it. I definitely needed it. At least you made me take decisions I couldn't take them before. Just let's hope I would never give up.

My sweet plans for the night have turned down, as usual. And now I'll have to go and face my nightmares.

See you in a better day.