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#319: I have so much to share, so much to tell …

 Hey you, How are you doing? I know I keep making this about me. But you know how much I wish you make it about you too. I have a lot to say. There’s so much inside me that I want to let out, I thought maybe I can tell you, but I can’t still.  I have so much to share, so much to tell. All of which I feel is being wasted, because you are not here to receive, you are not here to listen.  I can’t open up because it feels heavy and it weighs me down. I wanted you to make it easy for me, but you don’t. It’s like you are not ready for the stories I have, maybe you are not interested enough in who I am, and not only in what I can offer. You don’t see me. You can’t read me. And all I want is to be read.  Today, I had a moment where I badly needed to be read. I’ve just remembered a look you’ve given me, only once. I loved it. Though you thought that look made me uncomfortable, all the opposite, it was uncomfortably lovely. I wanted it to last longer. But. You didn’t insist. Your intention was t
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#318: رسالة شجاعة

  عزيزي، أرغبُ في التحدُثِ معك كثيرًا، ولا يهمني عن ماذا قد يدور الحديث، بل أريد أن استمع إليك حتى أمل، هذا إذا ما مللت، فهناك شيءٌ ما في روحك يجذبني حتى ابقى بجوارها، وشيءٌ في حديثك يقذفُ في قلبي سرورٍ لستُ معتادةٍ عليه. واشتاقُ إليك، دون وعيٍ مني.. قد أجدُ عقلي في منتصفِ ما هو مشغولٍ بأمورٍ عدة، يذكرني بك بصوتٍ هامس وصورةٍ خافتة، كأن روحك تأتي لتزور روحي فتُلقي عليها التحية وتختفي مرة أخرى .. هكذا تبقى دائما على بالي.. فأتذكرُ أمرًا من الأمورِ العديدة التي أرغبُ في أن أقصيها عليك، ثم أُمثل هذا الحوار بينا في مُخيلتي، حتى استفيق على صوت الخوف بداخلي قائلًا: "هذا إذا ما التقيت به مرة أخرى، فلا تأملي كثيرًا، قد لا يحدث ذاك الذي تتمنيه!"  لا انتظر منك شيء، أو دعني أقولها هكذا، لا أتعلق بما انتظره منك.. فقد تعلمتُ درسي سريعًا هذه المرة.. لن أُعلق آمالي على تصوري القاصر وأُمنيتي الساذجة، لأني تعلمتُ أن أسلم أمري كله لله، من لديه وسعًا من الخير يرزقني إياه إذا أراد … فلا يوجد ما أفعله أو لا أفعله حتى يُعجل بذلك الرزق أو يمنعه… لكن دعني أُفصح عن ما أود أن انتظره، ولا أطلبه منك، فقط
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#317: I Miss This: Feeling Safe

I miss here so much! Here, I write without being judged for anything that I would say. And I have become my own biggest judge! I miss expressing all those emotions I have locked inside having no place to go to and rest while feeling safe. Feeling safe, I learned it’s the most important thing I care for now. Like resting in the arms of someone you are sure they truly love you, or allowing so much love and care be transferred to you through a gentle touch that may even last a second or less. Like expressing your love intensely without the fear of being misunderstood, or the fear of getting hurt or rejected. Knowing that you’re loved no matter what, that you’re cared for no matter what, that you’re understood, and appreciated, even when you don’t make so much sense. Feeling safe is more than just love. Feeling safe is letting your guards down because you are at home, no harm can get to you, because you know you are protected without even realizing it.  I have so much to give and so much t
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How We Love Ourselves

We may get confused about how we love ourselves because we think that loving one self is admiring it, but it isn’t! Love is all about respect, not admiration. You love yourself, you respect it. And respect makes you do wonders!
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#316: An Attempt to Come Back

One day you would wake up and every thing would be different; you’d be different. You’d look to your eyes in the mirror and say... “I’m gonna wake up! I’m gonna live a whole new different life starting today!” You’d take a shower, dress up, have your breakfast... and then. Then what?! Would you keep your promise, or would you just go back to bed? Well, it doesn’t matter, as long as you wake up every morning and tell yourself the same things over again.
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#315: I am a Writer

Yesterday, I watched the movie “Julie and Julia” and it all hit me back. I always fancied—and still do—blogging and writing projects and challenges that include committing to writing every day for a year or a month or a 100 days or whatever. I even started off my blog (Daydreams) as a project to write everyday a short scene from my day or my life. I started the blog in May 2011; that’s almost 9 years ago! Have I completed my project? Well, I might have written over 300 blog posts over the past nine years, but I haven’t completed the goal of that project, which is committing to write Every Day! Have I failed?! Nah, that’s not what I’m thinking, for I believe the fact that I haven’t skipped a year where I haven’t shared something on my blog is a success in itself. I have managed to keep this alive and active throughout the years, and 9 years is a lot. Yet, I still have that yearning to complete a writing project. How about publishing a book?! I hope I would one day. And I have bee
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#314: An Attempt for Making Peace

Hey you! Yes, you exactly! Don’t run away now, I am trying to talk to you! I don’t know what should I call you, I never believed you would stay for this long. I didn’t ever want you to. I kept thinking that you are just a temporary visitor who visits me every now and then for a short period of time, and then leave. But your stay is getting longer and longer, aren’t you walking away, like ever?! So, I thought maybe I need to come to peace with your presence, give you a name or something, and befriend you. Would that work?! You give me shivers, you are such a pain in the neck! You cripple me, paralyze me, stop me from living as I want to! You do nothing but hurt me! And I keep thinking that you’ll go away some time near, and then everything will be much better, yet that never happens. You keep telling me things like that I’m not good enough to be who I really want to be, that I’m actually not who I think I am, that I’m delusional, that I don’t deserve the dreams I dream for myself
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