Daydreams...

I'm hiding behind my job. I'm hiding behind my anxieties. I'm hiding behind my loneliness. I'm hiding behind my grief. I am just hiding. I'm too scared to face the world as it is, with all its beauty and ugliness. I'm too afraid I won't be happy, so I leave myself stuck in unhappiness. And I just don't understand why am I hiding?! Have I been brutally hit on my head? What am I hiding from? Life? Why do I fear it that much? Why do I feel empty whenever I get nothing to do, when I get to be left alone? Why do I always fail my dreams? Why do I let people come first before me? Where is me? What is me? Will I stay in this dilemma forever? Will I ever start taking care of myself and what I need? Will I ever take that first step? Will I persist? Will I ever live the life I keep dreaming? Will I ever stop dreaming, and actually start doing? I feel alone. I don't want to be alone, although I might be the o...

Everyone is searching for something. Everyone is feeling incomplete. Everyone is looking for perfection. However, they are looking in the wrong place. Life isn’t, never was, or ever will be complete. And the thing you’re seeking will never be found. So keep searching, until you understand, that you shall search no more. Good Luck finding your missing piece!

Those certain mistakes you make that break your heart permanently and can’t be fixed ever again. The scars will stay forever inside your heart to change the course of your whole life ever after.

Since it’s my only way to let it go, my only way to breathe, I’ll have to write it down, for you. So, be prepared to know one of my deepest secrets, which, I believe, is your deepest secret too. We are all one, aren’t we?! I wish for someone, a life companion, and a true friend. Someone who’s here beside me whenever I’m in need or having a hard time accepting life. Someone who will surprise me every now and then, and gives me random visits just because that would make us both happy. Someone who I could give all of my caring and love to. Someone who listens to me, cries for me, and secretly prays for me. I know I might already be blessed with that person in my life, but I’m not yet aware. That would be my mistake; please pray for me. I also know that maybe Allah hasn't granted me that person yet because I don’t deserve being the center of someone else’s life. Or maybe Allah is telling me that such a person doesn't exist in this life. Or I’m just being taught again and again tha...

Sometimes in life things happen, things that you couldn't understand, you couldn't interpret. And it goes on. Life moves and you move unknowingly. It just happens, all around you, and you have no control. Though you think you are in control, while in fact, you are not. And you wouldn't know if you’re the one who is playing tricks on yourself or if it’s truly tricky. But then again, life moves on and you move. I know that all of the above doesn't make any sense, does it?! But I just lack understanding. I need a break. A break from life!

There’s something about the ending that makes you want to start a new beginning. Like it tells you that there is more to this, that you’re not done yet, and that it’s just an end of a chapter, not the end of eternity! Like there will never be an end. Just beginnings.

I need to scream "What's wrong with you people??" Why is it that everyone is so immersed in their own lives and their own problems that they can't even think what others may be feeling or even thinking? Why is it that life has become so tough on everyone that no one now has the time to communicate properly with the people around them, even the closest to them, their family and their friends. I bet anyone can now recall one true and real friend. A friend who has been always there, in the good and in the bad. A friend who gives as much as he takes. I'm talking here about a profound, true, and healthy friendship. A friendship that could last forever. We've lost a lot of values and a lot of principles along the way.  People no longer care for those little things that make life a better, more beautiful place. Those little words and acts of kindness and compassion. I miss such a wonderful world, that deep down I do believe it still exists.

A whole life with all its ups and downs, glories and tragedies,victories and losses, drawbacks and perfections, could end in a second. An unexpected second, and even in fractions of that second. You won't know, you won't feel it and you won't have the chance to save yourself. So does it really matter how sad or how happy you feel right now? Does that job you're seeking or this girl, or man, you're longing for matter? Is life really worth all this worries and thinking? Does it?!?!

I miss writing to an extent you can't imagine. I miss swaying with the words and meanings to come out with a total different sentence than the one I planned to write. I miss daydreaming and imagining things that aren't true just because it feels magical. I miss the friend in you. --------------------------------------- Things have been crazy, really crazy, since I last wrote. I got overwhelmed in life and work and love. I was super busy and super happy. And still, the busyness of life isn't leaving me alone. Now I feel tired, exhausted, yet willing to stay up and never let it go that easily, this time. I'm trying to fight, for a change. I'm not complaining, I'm affirming that I'm strong. --------------------------------------- Sometimes it's a leap of faith that you must take to pursue some kind of happiness. It's an opportunity you see and you wish not to let go easily. A dream that you look upon and keep wishing it turns into a reality. You know h...

There are fickle visions of a life in my mind. It might be a past life or a future one; I can't tell. They could just be memories. Memories I can't completely remember. Maybe memories of a life I only dreamed of long ago. A life I haven't yet lived. And they may be premonitions of a coming life. A life I'm destined to live someday. Or just a life I can only dream of living. A life I can never afford thinking about. I can't be sure what kind of life it is. I can't even describe it. All I know about these visions is that they leave my heart with some kind of warmth, and my mind with some content. It's all momentary, I know. But they worth to be noticed and thought of. I couldn't figure what is this that I have. It fills me with the hope of a much happier tomorrow. And sometimes with regret that I wouldn't be able to relive such a life, and with the worry that maybe this life would never be lived, by me. There's another life inside of me. And till ...

There's just nothing to talk about. Nothing at all! That's how I get to feel sometimes.Because I think there's only one truth about this whole life. And it's the only thing that's worth talking about and even thinking about. So let's focus on this only truth. Let's face it. Let's let it control our lives and it becomes our whole life, our life's main purpose. So here you are, doing your best to focus and think of what only really matters. And it's not as hard as it may seem. You actually manage to focus, maybe only when you're really too tired of life, for a couple of minutes, and sometimes even for a whole complete hour. But then you get bored. You want to drink something, eat something, watch TV, or you maybe just want to sleep. And b-ooo-h! You're back to the life you've been living. You're back to the misery- or the joy!! Well no, life isn't as bad as I may sound, but it isn't as good as it felt in that last hour. Bec...

Life is beautiful, indeed! Life has a lot of beautiful things out there waiting for me to enjoy. It was me, I was the one who wasn't getting the beauty of life and spending my life hiding under my bed. Then I figured out why I'm hiding, it's because I making myself believe that I have no idea how I shall enjoy the life I wish to enjoy. And this is a lesson I can pass to you, never make yourself believe things that aren't true! Don't assume before you learn very well if your assumption has a huge possibility of being right or not. However, I must admit I have some clues and I'm getting the rest soon.  Everyday is a day to remember, to learn, to enjoy, to live and so to dream...  So, yes, everyday deserves to be written. But it's the will to write that matters, because sometimes you may have a lot of things to talk about, yet you don't want to talk, and sometimes you have nothing at all to say, but you do manage to say something just because you...

" Because most of us all walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We really don't experience the world fully, because we're half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do ." ~ Morrie (From: Tuesdays with Morrie , by Mitch Albom)  And this is how I live. I walk with my eyes closed. I can't see clearly. All places and all faces are the same to me. No memory stays for long inside my head. The world around me turned into just some fickle visions passing by my eyes so quickly and so vaguely. Maybe it's a lack of sleep, or an excess of consciousness. Maybe it's a lack of ambition, and maybe it's just a transient state of aimlessness. A lot of maybe's and could be's are racing in my head. Nothing is certain, nothing is true. And the world suddenly became gloomy, uninteresting, and meaningless.  Well, it really truly is! Everything this life has to offer me is worthless. That's a truth I'm happy to be aware of. Bu...

I have a dream, a life of my own imagination, a life I wish to live one day, the life of my dreams. Yet, you and my dream don't seem like you fit together! كان نفسي احكي للناس عنك و اتباهى بيك. و كل شوية اجيب في سيرتك. و كل ما حد يكلمني عن موضوع جديد اقوله: "آه, حبيبي حكالي القصة دي". بدل ما كل ما افتكرك بيني و بين نفسي, اسكت و ما اتكلمش و اقول لعقلي: "مش تنسى بقى؟!" و اقول لقلبي: "لسة بتحن له؟! بعد ما كسر لك حلمك؟!" ... بقيت بالنسبة لي تجربة و عدت بعد ما كنت في نفسي كل حياتي. ولو أن حلمي بيك مش هيكمل! فحلمي معاك مش هيكون!   و أنا اخترت احلم!ا

I don’t think I want to continue on living! Yet, I'm not ready to die. Like I’m stuck in between life and death. Maybe this is a good start, for me, to seriously consider getting ready to die. Yes, I believe, it’s the only reason that makes sense why I should keep on living.  I should start living and get ready to die! .اللهم أحيني ما كانت الحياة خيرا لي وتوفني إذا كانت الوفاة خيرا لي .اللهم توفني و أنت راض عني

Well, yes! There's something, something occupying my mind. I mean it's trying to, trying to jam into my mind so that I think about it and... and I know that the consequences are not on my side! That's why I don't want to talk, I don't want to think. Because I don't want to ruin it. Because it's so sweet to be true. It's like a dream coming bit by bit true. But here's why I don't want to think it over. Because it's like happening in a wrong time. Because, I've let go that dream months ago and I've moved on and had other dreams. Why is it coming to chase me again?! Because every dream we dream, if it doesn't come true when it's supposed to, it loses its identity. I guess! So...I'll just live it as it is. I won't think about it or even mention it. Like I forget it happened. And I'll try to enjoy it as much as I can, so that when it all goes away, I don't get hurt and I don't get to miss it too. Because ...

Here it comes, my let out, the air my mind breathes, my best friend, my guide and mentor, my love, my work, my life and my everything. It's this white page. This white page calls me every night and it asks me: "How was your day?!" "Is there something bothering you?" "You look happy today, oh tell me I can't wait to be happy for you." "Have you learnt anything today?!" "Have you got a story to share?" ... Some nights I answer it, because I'm so desperate to talk. Other nights I ignore its call just because I don't have a suitable answer. And sometimes the answer is so, so long that it'll take days to tell, not just a night. But it still calls me every single night, and it has never given up on me, it's a true and real friend. Sometimes it has things to tell me too -yes it's a two sided relation- things it wants me to learn, and enjoy listening and talking about. It's incredible and amazing. Tonight is o...

Watching the world from behind through a small window... Sometimes I see myself living in a world to which I don't fit. The friends I say I have and the people I say I belong to, sometimes I see that they don't represent the real me. I'm not like them. But here comes a question: Why do I seek to fit in while I can easily stand out?! If I see myself different than them, then that's a privilege. Everyone seeks to be unique and tries to find something that makes him recognizable from the rest, something where only his name is mentioned when the conversations come to that thing; he's the only one for it! But then comes another question: How can I stand out?! Sometimes I seem to know the exact answer to that question, and other times, which are more, I just don't. And here is where I am stuck. Because trying to fit in, though it's a lovely place to fit in, is not working for me. I'm born to stand out. And standing out, for me right now, is a bit hard...

Write, then write, then write some more. Even if it takes you to never stop writing, then on't stop writing. Because...it helps, and in my case it achieves. And I really need that. Nobody said it would be easy.  Well, life, after all, is meant to be a struggle.  So strive for life...