Daydreams...

I’m starting over. Starting fresh and new, just the way I like it. And not just that! My dream is actually coming true. Everything I ever wanted, or even just thought or dreamed of, is becoming a reality. But hey, it’s not all pinky and easy. My dream is achieved with Allah’s, the most generous and the most merciful, blessings. Alhamdulillah. However, the dream must be maintained, and that’s by the hardest and most passionate work I could ever do. It’s a huge responsibility. Blessings, however, always come with responsibilities, that indeed I’m totally, inshaa’Allah, ready to take them effortlessly. I’m happy. Stressed, yet happy. I don’t feel hungry anymore! And I’m learning. I won’t stop. So I need to remember this. I need to sustain this fire within me. Remind me if I ever forget! :)

There are a lot more in life than the box we're limiting ourselves to it. There are a lot more to see, to taste, and to experience. Life isn't just the room you're locked inside. And you have no idea how much opportunities you're missing. So here you have the choice; either you watch life through the glass of your room as it passes you by or you step outside and actually live your life as wild as your dreams and imaginations can take you. And as I get to see the world outside of me, I get amazed by how beautiful it is. How beautiful people or things could actually be. I am amazed. And now that I know that my wild dreams can easily come true, I won't give up and I won't ever accept anything less than that, anything that is less than my worth and my standards. Even if you're the last man on earth, I'd still say No.

Sometimes I feel like I need to breakdown and become weak. I believe I'm too strong that I'm starting to doubt the truthfulness of my feelings! And though I know that this is not true, that I do feel the pain, I'm just not so good enough at showing it. Or maybe I express it in ways other than the common breakdowns. I'm unique you know. And I don't understand why do I see my positive points as negatives, all the time. I mean it's good that I'm strong, yet I don't want this!! I want to be normal?! And who defines normality?? Rather than thinking that I'm not true enough, why don't I think that I'm doing it right, that I'm wiser than most of people. Why do I lower my self esteem, instead of boosting it? I'm perfect the way I am. And I won't even start mentioning what I do wrong in my life. At least for a while. Until I get to believe in myself again.

I stood on an edge. I thought I would fly. And in a blink I found myself dead on the ground. They say expectations is the root of all heartache. It's true you know. When disappointments are all you are left with, will there be anything left to say?! You have thrown me so many times before. And this time you've thrown yourself with me too. We're both dead now. I don't blame you. Never will I. I've trusted you all my life and that won't change now. Because I have faith, huge faith, that Allah gives me the best of the best and there will be so many beautiful things waiting for me. I have faith that Allah's mercy is a lot bigger than any blocks falling on my head. And I understand how it's hard for you too. I appreciate all the things you did for me and all the dreams you dreamed. But as far as it comes to us, we'll never be each other's. Not even in our dreams, not anymore. I never wanted to give up on us that easily, but it seems ...

I miss writing to an extent you can't imagine. I miss swaying with the words and meanings to come out with a total different sentence than the one I planned to write. I miss daydreaming and imagining things that aren't true just because it feels magical. I miss the friend in you. --------------------------------------- Things have been crazy, really crazy, since I last wrote. I got overwhelmed in life and work and love. I was super busy and super happy. And still, the busyness of life isn't leaving me alone. Now I feel tired, exhausted, yet willing to stay up and never let it go that easily, this time. I'm trying to fight, for a change. I'm not complaining, I'm affirming that I'm strong. --------------------------------------- Sometimes it's a leap of faith that you must take to pursue some kind of happiness. It's an opportunity you see and you wish not to let go easily. A dream that you look upon and keep wishing it turns into a reality. You know h...

   I wouldn't have said what I had just said and in this way but for the experiences I have had in life and the lessons I have been taught. See I have evolved, grown up, understood life better, or came to the realization that we should never by any mean oppose our own happiness. That we deserve to think for our own best, even if it hurts our hearts to see people we love are a little confused or in distress. I sound harsh, right? But I've been through a lot actually to know how wrong it is to sacrifice your own happiness for others. It's not the lack of appreciation or the denial of your gift to them that would hurt you later on. It's your regrets. And regrets were my worst pain. And I would hate seeing you in pain. We have been told by everyone around us, even by the stories we read and watch, that we should never give our all unless we are sure hundred percent that we were given everything we deserve. Because only then we shall have no regrets. Only then ev...

Sometimes you just go with what your heart tells you. You just forgive everything and let go of the grudges you hold. And you begin trusting again. You believe that you deserve the best there is for you. You decide you'll open a new leaf and start a new beginning. You trust the people who ask you to trust them. You decide you'll believe them. For how can they hurt you more than what you've been through. And how can they hurt you when you have decided to believe in them, and believe in yourself first and how good you are, and most importantly believe in Allah at first and at last. So you go with your heart and love again, trust again, and feel blessed. And here's the risk you're taking. A leap of faith. Even if there will be no one to catch you. You have faith that you'll fly. And if you didn't, you'll land safely. Funny how you can make me fall out of love and then back in love with you every time. Above all, please remember, I trust you. So please be s...

I'm blessed. Truly a lot! :) .. "Rabbena beyhebek" (Allah loves you) were the words I heard today from a very dear friend, and they were the light that lit my heart and mind. I'm blessed to have this friend to make me realize this fact and be sure of it. Because it's true. "Once a day, Love asked Friendship: 'Why do you exist when I already do?' Friendship replied: 'To put a smile where you leave tears.'" - Anonymous A very old quote, I've first read it back when I was at high school and I've loved it ever since then. And it applies with every situation when a wrong love relationship leaves a scar. Indeed, friends are a great blessing. Specially those who can get you well, the way you that affects you, and help you walk the right path. Luckily, I'm blessed with those friends. All along my way I find them, many thanks to Allah. :) I've been in a lot of pain. A pain I even couldn't recognize or admit. And I hadn...

And you're drifting away, building walls before you even notice. Faith is what you need, and faith is what you repel! When it becomes the only one who calls on you so many times a day and the only one you keep ignoring. You're drifting away into the darkness of your own heart and soul. And it breaks my heart seeing you breaking your heart. How can I ask you to stop, when you don't even care about your own heart. And how can I trust that you would trust me? How could we ever live together like this?!

A refreshing and a recharging night, that was it, seeing my old friends today. It's like as if I've been locking my mind and refusing to think of what I need. I've needed badly to be with you, but I've never thought you'd have such an effect on me. Thank you friends, your presence is usually appreciated, never leave me alone please. Somethings are not meant to be sought. Like appreciation, when you seek it, it runs away. So, be smart enough and never seek appreciation, never seek love, and never seek respect. Instead, do! Do appreciate the good things in your life, and those who bring a meaning into your life, love everyone and everything around you, and respect yourself and others. It comes back to you, believe me. But never ask for it and never seek it, that just won't work. Am I back? Am I truly back? I mean, I'm having a very stressful time at my work, and at my career, currently, but I'm okay and doing just fine. Or was I not good enough becaus...

A year and two days ago, I've said: "One can't live without having what's worth living for. As one tale ends so another begins; and as each day is a new tale to be told, each day is a day to learn and know more, each day is a day to dream and hope.  Then each day deserves to be written. And I'll commit to writing everyday. I'll commit to what's worth living for. Let's call it a project that I'll be working on and you're helping me. Let's say I'll be writing my next whole year, everyday over here. And together we'll help and support, we'll learn and know, we'll inspire and change, we'll share thoughts and insights and we'll face life with a smile even when it keeps frowning." So, Happy Anniversary dear blog, my daydreams. And though I've promised to write my whole past year, I didn't keep my promise. I've only written less than half a year. However, I'm not to say that the...

" Because most of us all walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We really don't experience the world fully, because we're half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do ." ~ Morrie (From: Tuesdays with Morrie , by Mitch Albom)  And this is how I live. I walk with my eyes closed. I can't see clearly. All places and all faces are the same to me. No memory stays for long inside my head. The world around me turned into just some fickle visions passing by my eyes so quickly and so vaguely. Maybe it's a lack of sleep, or an excess of consciousness. Maybe it's a lack of ambition, and maybe it's just a transient state of aimlessness. A lot of maybe's and could be's are racing in my head. Nothing is certain, nothing is true. And the world suddenly became gloomy, uninteresting, and meaningless.  Well, it really truly is! Everything this life has to offer me is worthless. That's a truth I'm happy to be aware of. Bu...

I have a dream, a life of my own imagination, a life I wish to live one day, the life of my dreams. Yet, you and my dream don't seem like you fit together! كان نفسي احكي للناس عنك و اتباهى بيك. و كل شوية اجيب في سيرتك. و كل ما حد يكلمني عن موضوع جديد اقوله: "آه, حبيبي حكالي القصة دي". بدل ما كل ما افتكرك بيني و بين نفسي, اسكت و ما اتكلمش و اقول لعقلي: "مش تنسى بقى؟!" و اقول لقلبي: "لسة بتحن له؟! بعد ما كسر لك حلمك؟!" ... بقيت بالنسبة لي تجربة و عدت بعد ما كنت في نفسي كل حياتي. ولو أن حلمي بيك مش هيكمل! فحلمي معاك مش هيكون!   و أنا اخترت احلم!ا

I had once said: " Today, you were the one who corrects me without embarrassing me, who blames me without making me feel bad about myself, who advices me rather than shouts at me, and who supports me the most when I needed it the most just from you. " Until I feel this again, until it becomes a true feeling and not just an illusion, I'm not settling for anything less! That's the promise I give to myself.

Leap of faith... That is how anything ever is achieved, with a leap of faith!