#292: 180 Degrees

I’m changing. I’m changing in a way that I cannot recognize.

It’s getting out of my hands, but, I understand, it never was from the beginning.

I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m done questioning. And I cannot handle fear anymore.

I no longer know who I am. And I stopped believing that I am something that doesn’t change. It’s a scary idea, that we change, it’s a scary truth to live.

It seems like I’ll have to forget, every morning, because I keep remembering each night.

I’ll have to forget the old me, the things I need to let go, and the expectations I dwell on. Because when the night comes, I crave for those things I used to know of myself, like a certain habit that doesn’t really relate to me anymore.

I cannot comprehend how emotions are that fragile, they do change 180 degrees in a matter of seconds.

I cannot grasp how could something so valuable start with a deepness that should have taken years to be built, and then it ends like it has never ever occurred. It’s like playing the last thirty minutes of your favorite movie. You miss the beginning, you miss how things roll up, but you can still follow what has happened, and what is happening now. It’s overwhelming, it’s stressing, but it is truly happening and you are accepting it.

Life is hard to figure out, yet, we are not here to understand, we are here to live. We are here to learn how to live without understanding how we live. Yes, it’s that hard, but nobody ever said it would be easy.