#281: I Know You

I want to write about you. Only you. Like.. you are the only reason why I want to write. But I don’t know you. I mean, I do.. but, then I don’t. I don’t really know who you really are, yet, somehow I do know who you truly are. It’s getting me crazy.

I want to run away as far as I can, but I can’t. I am so attached that I don’t understand. Like, there is this invisible thread that is tying us together. You hold it tight when I let go, and I hold it when you let it go. I see you. I even see through you. And I know you see through me as well. I love how teary your eyes get when you are about to say something that is just so true. And I love how excited you sound when you get a new idea, which is not totally new, you know! Even when you get arrogant and egoistic, when you fight back and prove where you stand. I love how fragile you are. And it’s killing me.

This is poisonous. I keep thinking that I don’t deserve you. That I would harm you. So I let you harm me instead! I don’t really like it when you put on your guards. You send me that message that you can move on without me just easily. Well, I do know that you can. You are more than capable of that. And here is the glitch, I keep thinking that I need you to need me so you would hold on to me and never let me go. But then the more I do to get you to need me, the more you don’t see me, the true me.

And it keeps on looping. We step backwards, keeping the thread between us at a definite distance, it doesn’t get any nearer, and it keeps us from drifting farther. That is how we are meant to be, for now at least. That is why I know you, but I don’t as well.

I loved you that much, longer than I thought it would ever be, but that much is just coming to an end. Yet, it doesn’t actually matter, as long as that thread is there. I don’t think I need to do anything else.

See you on the other side, if we’re meant to.