#270: Dear Who Knows Everything

Dear who knows everything flowing inside of me, even the things I do not know,

I have a headache at the back of my head, my upper back hurts, as well as my neck, and every nerve ending I have is sore. What should I do?

You know, it is not usually easy for me to stand in front of you and pour my heart out, although I have done it few times before. But, today I have decided to talk to you; to talk to you in the same way I talk to myself. I’ll let go my guard, and I’ll let go that belief that you already know everything so there is no need for me to speak. It’ll be easier though, because no matter the quality of how I express, you will get the true meanings I intend to say. Here we go.

I couldn’t speak; I stood in front of them incapable of saying a word. Every word I wanted to say, I knew they wouldn’t understand it right, they wouldn’t accept me saying these words, they would rationalize what I say, they would justify their views, and they wouldn’t accept that this is only how I am feeling at the moment. I preferred to stay mute, guarded by the excuse that I am so hurt that no words could come out of me.

I know that tonight is the night you will look to our hearts and see their colors. The lighter the colors are the more you’ll be pleased, and the brighter you will let them become as well. And though I understand that you do not need to look to our hearts, because you already know what’s inside, yet, I want you to know that my heart is weak, and its color is pale. You’ll find grudges, I hope you mend them. But, grudges are the things that shall displease you the most tonight. You know who I’m holding these grudges against, right? Yes, it is her. The one who is supposed to be the closest to me. I do not like the person I came to know that she is, anymore. I cannot accept the way we deal with each other, anymore. And it is hard as hell to keep on going.

Well, speaking of hell, I know hell is harder!

I am lost, more than ever before, or at least this is how I feel now. I know you are here to guide me, yet I cannot stay in this loss any longer. My ability to withstand is fading away. I am drained. I can no longer give anything, I just need to take; to take as much as I can, and there is no one to give me, except you, the source.

I need you to know this, I know you do already know, yet I need to say it loud and clear. I am blessed that you are here. I am blessed with all your blessings, I am blessed with all those people who you have designed our paths to cross. And, you know, the more blessings you give me, the more I want more. I just know that you shall give me more, you shall give me what I worth, and I know I worth a lot, just because you are the one who gives me my worth. I am grateful to you; to the life you have given me; to the mind you have granted me with to think, analyze, and judge arrogantly; and to the heart you have molded inside of me to hold this huge amount of emotions cocktail. I am grateful.

You just know it all, please do what you may please; please do what you think is best for me. I give up. To you.

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Readers,
Please know that you are not entitled to judge, assume, or predict anything about me from what you read. Please, if you came to read this, know that I am in a massive need of your prayers, so just pray for me.

#Ramblings !!

Guess, this track translates part of how I feel.
https://soundcloud.com/rana-ash…/mike-massy-soti-hareb-menni