#223: False Expectations Appear Real (Fear)

Writing helps, right?

Fear just can't get out of me. I don't understand how have I become a fearful person. My bravery levels are getting low. Is that a normal age progress or something?

Today, I have decided to sit in a cafe alone and have fun working for a while. That is a typical kind of actions that grownups do every now and then. But I was too afraid to go and sit there all by myself! As I was entering the cafe, I was really shaken and too stressed. It took me a while until I managed to gather myself, get cool about it, and enjoy the moments.

Today, as well, a nice friend brought me a beautiful present. The kind of gifts that are so right for you. The gift you have been waiting for so long. And she did it. I do not think I have thanked her enough! I wanted to tell her how much the gesture meant to me, and how beautiful is she for thinking of me in such a truly considerate way. I wanted to tell her that I am blessed to have her as a friend, and that I would never want for our weak friendship to ever die. I wanted to thank her for not giving up on me. I wanted to say that I love her soul.

Had I said any of this? None, I think. I was too afraid to say it that I might look exaggerating! Fear, again! I only thanked her for the sweet present, and left.

And, as everyday, I'm just too afraid I am not worthy enough, or even good enough. I'm afraid I won't make it to the expected success levels.

And what do I do? I just let the fear entrap me until I fall deep down. Epic!