#152: I had a plan

I had a plan that I made when I was desperate for a new life and a new experience.

Because I had a time when I lost it all, or thought I had lost it all. I lost my dream and passion, I lost my friends and my social life, I lost my work and my ambitions. At that time I used to hide and cave in my own shell. At that time I thought life was worthless and useless. And at that time I was desperately seeking every mean to get myself out of that haze. And I made myself a plan. A plan that satisfied me at the time. A plan seeking a new life and a new experience. Yet, the plan wasn't to be executed immediately, I had to wait for a couple of months or more. I was ready and pleased to wait, so I waited excitedly.

Then, and I'm extremely grateful for what happened then, while I was waiting, a new life began to bloom and and present itself to me. I happily grabbed the opportunity that came into my hands without even asking or seeking. And I am grateful. Though, it's not yet the perfect opportunity, it is indeed the life I had wanted, and thought I had lost before.

So, here's the thing. I made a plan when I was desperate, a plan that wouldn't get into action except after a while. So I waited, and while I was waiting for the plan to get into action, a part of my desperation was relieved and my life began to come back to me. And now it's time for my plan to work. So, I must be super happy. I am, I'm actually am. Yet fear surrounds me. The fear of losing a part of my new life that I have just started.

I hear you saying: "If you made a plan because you were desperate for a new experience, and then you gained that new experience without the need of the plan. Then simply, cancel that old plan!"
Well, you know how greedy people are! Plus, it's already predetermined, so I can't let it go that easily!

However, I now got it. It's only fear. It has always been fear that stands in my way. And here's what I'll do, I'll go on with the plan and I've already grabbed the opportunity and I'm never letting it go. And I'll work hard to keep things the way they are and even make them better. I know I can do it, because it simply can be done, easily.

I have faith.
I'm grateful
And I'm missing you.

August, 15

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Then, you know what? God works in mysterious ways. And it's always for our best.

I had two different roads to take, they are not opposite, not even parallel, they crossover. And I was in the middle not knowing where to go. I thought I could make it and go along the journey using both roads. But, Allah, the merciful, chose the road which I can actually ride with no dangers and no fears. However challenging it may seem, I'm grateful, happy, and overwhelmed for the choice Allah has made for me.

It's such a happy feeling when you have such faith that makes you happily embrace whatever comes into your way, and you think it's all for your own best benefit. This is the peace of mind I'm talking about. However, it takes time to reach that phase. But the more you practice this kind of peace, the more you'll get it faster than before, until it becomes a habit to accept your fate wherever you go. Practice, practice, practice.

Thank you God. I promise I'll be up to it, and up to you and your satisfaction! :)

Still missing you. I'll be back.

September, 11