Daydreams...

"Fresh starts... Thanks to the calendar they happen every year -just set your watch to January. Bringing on the great tradition of new years resolutions. Put your past behind you and start over. It's hard to resist the chance of a new beginning, a chance to put the problems of last year to bed. But... Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It's not a day on a calendar, not a birthday, not a new year. It's an event, big or small, something that changes us.  Ideally it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to."  -- Grey's Anatomy TV series

Well, yes! There's something, something occupying my mind. I mean it's trying to, trying to jam into my mind so that I think about it and... and I know that the consequences are not on my side! That's why I don't want to talk, I don't want to think. Because I don't want to ruin it. Because it's so sweet to be true. It's like a dream coming bit by bit true. But here's why I don't want to think it over. Because it's like happening in a wrong time. Because, I've let go that dream months ago and I've moved on and had other dreams. Why is it coming to chase me again?! Because every dream we dream, if it doesn't come true when it's supposed to, it loses its identity. I guess! So...I'll just live it as it is. I won't think about it or even mention it. Like I forget it happened. And I'll try to enjoy it as much as I can, so that when it all goes away, I don't get hurt and I don't get to miss it too. Because ...

My today's life lesson is: Don't you ever be afraid., EVER! Because, well, what are you gonna lose anyway? Everything, literally everything, in this life is risky. Staying at home, where you think you're safe, is risky. And going out doing adventurous stuff is also risky. Hiding your identity from everyone is risky, and so is showing yourself up to the public. Everything in this life is a risk, it's a matter of a choice. Your choice. I keep running around and trying to find a way out of this but I stumble upon the same fact every time. It's You, it's all up to you. Your choice and there's no one else to help you except you. Act like it and stop forgetting it! And also, any choice you'll make, besides that it's only Your choice, it's also a right decision. No one has the right to blame you, as long as it only concerns you, or you are a part of it, and that it's nothing that would make God angry. Because you really are shouldn't be Afra...

An update, just for you readers, I'm going to start something new on the first day of the coming new year. I hope it is the fresh new perfect start I've been wishing for. Though I'm not so excited about it and I'm not totally sure that it's going to be the perfection I've always daydreamed. But I'm hoping really hard that it will miraculously turn out to be the one I've imagined. Nevertheless I'll work hard for that. Pray for me please, and wish me luck. I'll need it! =)

Time isn't enough for me to write all that I want to say. Not because they are a lot, but because they vanish from my mind. My mind couldn't hold them long enough. But one day I'll remember and I'll say and write them again. I haven't lost my hope. Not ever I will. Chasing opportunities. That's a hard "thing". Because you never know if it's an opportunity or not. You never know if it's the one you're meant to catch or not. You just don't know what's coming next and what's hidden, so you can't easily decide and catch it as it flies. Because they do fly, opportunities fly in a glimpse of an eye. But they only fly if you let them fly, because they do come to you and stop for a while, long enough for you to decide if you truly and sincerely want to catch them or not. Yes, again and again, it's up to you, it's totally left for you to decide. I love it here, and I've missed it a lot!

ساعات بسأل نفسي مين الناس دي؟ و إزاي بقوا كده؟ و لا أنا بقيت كده إزاي؟ مين الي اتغير؟ و مين الي بعد؟ و ليه بعدنا؟ و بقى ايه مصيرنا؟ و يا عالم لسه الي جاي ايه؟ يا ترى كانت حياتنا هتبقى  عاملة ازاي لو كنا فضلنا؟ كانت حياة مين هتغلب؟  و لا كانت هتبقى حاجة تانية؟ كل واحد فينا مشي في اتجاه عكس التاني اتجاهات لا يمكن تتقابل في يوم و مشينا و اتفرقنا بس بنرجع نتلاقى  في ذكرة قديمة مشوشة بالعافية قادرين نفتكر ها و بنفضل عايشين في صورة,  ليك أو ليا,  برده قديمة,  مش فاكرين شايلنها فين و فجاءة بنتقابل من بعيد لبعيد مش بنتكلم  بس بنسمع بعض  و بنشوف بعض  و بنعرف أخبار بعض " ايه ده, دي اشتغلت؟!  و ايه ده, ده خطب! ما شاء الله " و بنفتكر قد ايه كنا قريبين  و قد ايه كنا بنحب بعض و نرجع نسأل نفسنا ليه بعدنا و ليه اختلفنا و يا ترى كان ايه هيبقى مختلف لو كنا فضلنا محدش بيجاوب, محدش عنده إجابة و يومين و كل واحد...

It so hard like a rock that if it falls on you, you'll die! When you know that you've been replaced. Or that's how you think. When you reserve for someone a large portion of your heart, but then you're faced with the fact that that someone never came to fit in that place in your heart. However, the past sentences don't represent how I feel right now. Because I'm so happy, I'm deeply drown into happiness. Because memories have been recalled today for me. Because, today, words from the heart were spread everywhere. Because I love and I'm loved back. Because I have faith, and I have hopes. And I can smile and can make others smile too. Well, I won't be fair to describe it more. Because it should be felt and not told. However again, somethings are still repeating themselves up, some hurtful, heart-breaking stuff! But here I am, strong and bright and happy and willing to fight. I was about to go, but I have this on my mind: Maybe you don't know...