Daydreams...

It has been three months now. I was not counting, by the way, because I lost track of the day when my misery began. But today I exerted that extra effort to know when it was exactly. Three months of fighting and denying. I had no idea it would be this hard. I had no idea that without you I'd feel this much of loneliness. I thought I was already over you long ago. And guess what! I dreamed I was chasing you, running to catch you, barefoot! What a dream! Why in hell would I ever chase you?! Anyway, your birthday passed, and thank God I managed to pass this day safely. But I still remember it!  They say writing helps, so I'm writing. And I don't care anymore who would read. This is a step forward. I'm trying hard to disconnect from the world and get in touch with me. I'm trying not to deny anymore. I'm changing. Yes, the change is out of pain, but that is how people change, right? I'm only trying to control that change and drive it into good, a...

That is the only time when writing makes sense. Writing well means writing to make the reading easier, more enjoyable, and more relieving. That, we know! But when writing takes the readers' troubles away; when writing goes beyond the meanings behind the words written, and have a whole new higher value, like to relief pain, create hope, inspire, or transform. That's the writing I want to write. That's the writing I dream of. That's the writing I hope I'm offering to the world.

Life is beautiful, indeed! Life has a lot of beautiful things out there waiting for me to enjoy. It was me, I was the one who wasn't getting the beauty of life and spending my life hiding under my bed. Then I figured out why I'm hiding, it's because I making myself believe that I have no idea how I shall enjoy the life I wish to enjoy. And this is a lesson I can pass to you, never make yourself believe things that aren't true! Don't assume before you learn very well if your assumption has a huge possibility of being right or not. However, I must admit I have some clues and I'm getting the rest soon.  Everyday is a day to remember, to learn, to enjoy, to live and so to dream...  So, yes, everyday deserves to be written. But it's the will to write that matters, because sometimes you may have a lot of things to talk about, yet you don't want to talk, and sometimes you have nothing at all to say, but you do manage to say something just because you...

They get all stressed up, not because of all the things they have to do, but because of all the things they started but haven't finished yet. I have a plan, I know what I should do, but that what I should do doesn't yet speak to my soul, it hasn't touched my heart yet. And I don't know how long shall I wait till it makes a print on me, or what else I have to do to make it speak?! Writing isn't that easy, I came to understand. It's only easy when it means to make yourself feel better, so you pour on all your negative emotions on a piece of a white paper. So you think by that you are cleaning your heart from all the stains that are left on it. Sometimes it works, sometimes you're just running away from your heart. Because sometimes you say the truth and help your heart figure it all out, and sometimes you just walk around your heart and never go deeply through it. It's a matter of how much can you get linked with your heart, and no one can actually fi...

They say I should write the book I wish to read. Here's the thing, all the books that I wish to read have already been written before. So, it's easier for me to read them than to write them. Plus what would I be adding if I wrote a book which has been written many times before? I'm lost, I feel like I'm running out of time, and I don't want to run just because I'm running out of time, and I don't know how much time left do I have.And I know I can't get any help. All I can do is to whine about how lost I am and just that. But I know something that I should do. I should keep on trying, everyday. Even if I just try to try harder everyday, one day I'll be able to do it. I know that and I believe in myself, and I'm optimistic. Still, today I'm cranky!!

It's bad that I don't have a post under the date of Jan 1; I've been trying hard to think of something. And it's bad that I don't have anything to say, I mean I do have things to say, but nothing of which I'd like to be saying. And this is getting really weird and dull. And here comes my fear. Yes, I'm afraid, again, that I'm getting myself into a dull process of life. I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just afraid that I might complain someday and this is the one thing I would never like to do. So, I'll get myself into a challenge, a challenge to love that place and what I do there. And I've already cleared out my intentions, I'll be there giving, and not taking anything in reward, because those people are kind and good and they deserve it, they deserve my giving. So, this is how a teacher feels?! Why does everything gets messed up and mixed up with "fear"?! Fear, you're a very bad "thing"!! I won't...

Here it comes, my let out, the air my mind breathes, my best friend, my guide and mentor, my love, my work, my life and my everything. It's this white page. This white page calls me every night and it asks me: "How was your day?!" "Is there something bothering you?" "You look happy today, oh tell me I can't wait to be happy for you." "Have you learnt anything today?!" "Have you got a story to share?" ... Some nights I answer it, because I'm so desperate to talk. Other nights I ignore its call just because I don't have a suitable answer. And sometimes the answer is so, so long that it'll take days to tell, not just a night. But it still calls me every single night, and it has never given up on me, it's a true and real friend. Sometimes it has things to tell me too -yes it's a two sided relation- things it wants me to learn, and enjoy listening and talking about. It's incredible and amazing. Tonight is o...

Write, then write, then write some more. Even if it takes you to never stop writing, then on't stop writing. Because...it helps, and in my case it achieves. And I really need that. Nobody said it would be easy.  Well, life, after all, is meant to be a struggle.  So strive for life...