Daydreams...

Some people just amaze me! They know nothing about me, they have no idea what is going on my mind and heart, they can't even figure out where I am, or what is happening in my life right now, or how things have changed since the last time they checked on me, yet they give themselves the right to judge me. And they don't listen to me when I try to speak to defend myself, or even to confirm their claims. They are just amazing!

Since it’s my only way to let it go, my only way to breathe, I’ll have to write it down, for you. So, be prepared to know one of my deepest secrets, which, I believe, is your deepest secret too. We are all one, aren’t we?! I wish for someone, a life companion, and a true friend. Someone who’s here beside me whenever I’m in need or having a hard time accepting life. Someone who will surprise me every now and then, and gives me random visits just because that would make us both happy. Someone who I could give all of my caring and love to. Someone who listens to me, cries for me, and secretly prays for me. I know I might already be blessed with that person in my life, but I’m not yet aware. That would be my mistake; please pray for me. I also know that maybe Allah hasn't granted me that person yet because I don’t deserve being the center of someone else’s life. Or maybe Allah is telling me that such a person doesn't exist in this life. Or I’m just being taught again and again tha...

And I don’t know if I’ll remember this tomorrow or not! I wish I do. Not because it’s beautiful, but because it’s painful, really painful. If I forget the pain, I’ll care less, fall again, and hurt myself. And when I do, I wouldn't be ready for the pain that will follow. So I’ll just re-live every moment again. But if I never forget, and it happens again, I won’t feel the pain, because pain will, in that case, become a state of mind, not an unexpected action.

There’s something about the ending that makes you want to start a new beginning. Like it tells you that there is more to this, that you’re not done yet, and that it’s just an end of a chapter, not the end of eternity! Like there will never be an end. Just beginnings.

It's an attitude. And moreover, it's a choice. You know that saying that when you're a kid, you're dying to graduate from school, and you can't wait when you'll be at college where there is the life you're expecting and dreaming of. Then when you're at college, you're dying to graduate and go beyond life and into your dreams and all the real practical life experiences. Then you graduate and get a job, that you find, after awhile, that it isn't as anything you had ever dreamed of. So you're dying for another opportunity to find the life of your dreams. And another, then another ... You never settle down. Then you feel that you don't want to end up alone, that the time has come to find a stable relationship that opens the doors of happiness for you. You're dying to get married, until you do. Then you're dying to build a home and a family, a family of your own. You buy a bigger house, you find a better job, you hold the responsibili...

Life is beautiful, indeed! Life has a lot of beautiful things out there waiting for me to enjoy. It was me, I was the one who wasn't getting the beauty of life and spending my life hiding under my bed. Then I figured out why I'm hiding, it's because I making myself believe that I have no idea how I shall enjoy the life I wish to enjoy. And this is a lesson I can pass to you, never make yourself believe things that aren't true! Don't assume before you learn very well if your assumption has a huge possibility of being right or not. However, I must admit I have some clues and I'm getting the rest soon.  Everyday is a day to remember, to learn, to enjoy, to live and so to dream...  So, yes, everyday deserves to be written. But it's the will to write that matters, because sometimes you may have a lot of things to talk about, yet you don't want to talk, and sometimes you have nothing at all to say, but you do manage to say something just because you...

A refreshing and a recharging night, that was it, seeing my old friends today. It's like as if I've been locking my mind and refusing to think of what I need. I've needed badly to be with you, but I've never thought you'd have such an effect on me. Thank you friends, your presence is usually appreciated, never leave me alone please. Somethings are not meant to be sought. Like appreciation, when you seek it, it runs away. So, be smart enough and never seek appreciation, never seek love, and never seek respect. Instead, do! Do appreciate the good things in your life, and those who bring a meaning into your life, love everyone and everything around you, and respect yourself and others. It comes back to you, believe me. But never ask for it and never seek it, that just won't work. Am I back? Am I truly back? I mean, I'm having a very stressful time at my work, and at my career, currently, but I'm okay and doing just fine. Or was I not good enough becaus...

" Because most of us all walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We really don't experience the world fully, because we're half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do ." ~ Morrie (From: Tuesdays with Morrie , by Mitch Albom)  And this is how I live. I walk with my eyes closed. I can't see clearly. All places and all faces are the same to me. No memory stays for long inside my head. The world around me turned into just some fickle visions passing by my eyes so quickly and so vaguely. Maybe it's a lack of sleep, or an excess of consciousness. Maybe it's a lack of ambition, and maybe it's just a transient state of aimlessness. A lot of maybe's and could be's are racing in my head. Nothing is certain, nothing is true. And the world suddenly became gloomy, uninteresting, and meaningless.  Well, it really truly is! Everything this life has to offer me is worthless. That's a truth I'm happy to be aware of. Bu...

I have learnt things by the hardest of methods. The things I know now, the things I've learnt and trying to apply in every moment of my life, aren't things that I got to know easily. I've been hurt badly to be the person I am today. And this is why I am a better person, I hope. And I try to teach others what I've learnt, just because I so much believe in the  necessity of  teaching and sharing. But the dilemma is: Shall I teach by the hard method? Or by a smoother one? Because I don't want to really hurt anyone, but that's the best way there is to get the best out of anyone. But here's a hint, for me: You wouldn't ever be able to please everyone. So do this, please yourself, and do what you think is right. Always.  If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been who I am right now.

Sometimes you've got to step back, let go, postpone, put things on hold, for a while, just a little while, or as much while as it takes, and then you come back, get into it once more, try again, try harder and try differently, maybe this time it'll work, maybe you see it from a different angle and find it easier, maybe it'll get solved all by itself, maybe you'll get stronger and fight it harder. Just maybe. And sometimes it works. I'm letting you go, just to let you come back stronger and better than ever before. I'm letting you go, because I believe that if we truly deserve each other, we'll win one another easily, with no hardships, but with the blessings of Allah. So I'm waiting for the right moment, the right moment which when it comes, everything will just be different, everything will .... just be different!

"Love has reasons reason cannot understand."  That's why when it comes to reason, love doesn't get involved! It doesn't matter how much you've loved, or how much you were in love. Because when the serious talk starts, the love is forgotten. The love has already done its job, bringing you down into serious talk! Yes, that's the only reason of love, bringing you down into serious talk. So my advice is: Don't love too much, more than necessary. Don't waste love, when at the end it only takes a secondary role in the whole story of life. 

I came to realize that you are not the person who I thought you were. I remember the day I announced you as a dear and best friend. And I remember you saying how glad you are. But then, you never treated me that way. Maybe once or twice, just because it was easy at that time to do so, just because you too needed a friend. But no, you never were a friend to me, and I don't believe you'd ever be. I'm not disappointed or anything. I just keep saying this out loud to myself to accept the fact that not everything I would wish for, I would get. 

My today's life lesson is: Don't you ever be afraid., EVER! Because, well, what are you gonna lose anyway? Everything, literally everything, in this life is risky. Staying at home, where you think you're safe, is risky. And going out doing adventurous stuff is also risky. Hiding your identity from everyone is risky, and so is showing yourself up to the public. Everything in this life is a risk, it's a matter of a choice. Your choice. I keep running around and trying to find a way out of this but I stumble upon the same fact every time. It's You, it's all up to you. Your choice and there's no one else to help you except you. Act like it and stop forgetting it! And also, any choice you'll make, besides that it's only Your choice, it's also a right decision. No one has the right to blame you, as long as it only concerns you, or you are a part of it, and that it's nothing that would make God angry. Because you really are shouldn't be Afra...