Daydreams...

Dear friend, I have been looking for you for so long now, and I’m still looking. I only find pieces of you in certain people that I meet everyday. These pieces don’t even stick, they move on to other people in other places and other times. They never get merged into one whole being, they never become you. I miss you, I still do. It takes a lot of strength and bravery to reach out to others. It takes courage to invest time and effort in a relationship to make something out of it. And I am trying to be as courageous as I can. I am trying to wait on, to be content, to have faith that you are here, even if you aren’t, even if you are just a piece in someone else, even if you only come occasionally to say Hello, and then leave before I even get to answer you. I’m afraid I won’t recognize you when you truly come, that if you really did. Maybe you have already come, maybe you are already here, but I can’t see you. Maybe I am just too confused to see, maybe I got lost looking for yo...

You can just lock it inside, that feeling you are having. It is too heavy to hold, and too painful to understand. Your brain is just too tired to embrace something as uncertain as having an overwhelmed heart. You can just forget all about it, distract yourself, take pills, but it will not make you sleep. It is what it is, your heart is aching. Accept it. Yes, it aches for things that aren’t even its, or things that are just too naive and silly. You name it, but, at the end, a ccept it; it is your heart after all. Then what? You might wonder. Then, say it. Say it out loud, write it down, share it with someone, or whatever makes you sleep. Just don’t make yourself sleep, don’t force yourself to forget, don’t break your own heart. And if you think you just can’t even do this, then just do nothing. Stay still, hold your heart, and say a little prayer; give it all to Him, Allah.