Daydreams...

It's an attitude. And moreover, it's a choice. You know that saying that when you're a kid, you're dying to graduate from school, and you can't wait when you'll be at college where there is the life you're expecting and dreaming of. Then when you're at college, you're dying to graduate and go beyond life and into your dreams and all the real practical life experiences. Then you graduate and get a job, that you find, after awhile, that it isn't as anything you had ever dreamed of. So you're dying for another opportunity to find the life of your dreams. And another, then another ... You never settle down. Then you feel that you don't want to end up alone, that the time has come to find a stable relationship that opens the doors of happiness for you. You're dying to get married, until you do. Then you're dying to build a home and a family, a family of your own. You buy a bigger house, you find a better job, you hold the responsibili...

Sometimes you've got to step back, let go, postpone, put things on hold, for a while, just a little while, or as much while as it takes, and then you come back, get into it once more, try again, try harder and try differently, maybe this time it'll work, maybe you see it from a different angle and find it easier, maybe it'll get solved all by itself, maybe you'll get stronger and fight it harder. Just maybe. And sometimes it works. I'm letting you go, just to let you come back stronger and better than ever before. I'm letting you go, because I believe that if we truly deserve each other, we'll win one another easily, with no hardships, but with the blessings of Allah. So I'm waiting for the right moment, the right moment which when it comes, everything will just be different, everything will .... just be different!

I'm really sorry, really sorry. Because I've been better. I am better.I know that. Just, I can't! I can't be better now. I'm lost, too lost. Like I'm left in the middle of the sea, all alone, with no wind to sail the boat! And I'm wondering! Who am I? What I do? And what made me get on this boat?! If only I can go back in time! Well, I don't know exactly what would I have done?! But I'm sure I would have tried harder. I would have tried harder to save myself from getting on that boat while there's no wind to sail it. Or maybe I would have fought harder to get some air to help me cross this huge, appearing calm, ocean. I would have been different. I wish I were different, just a little bit! --Today, all I had in mind is: Have I just lost all of my five past years? Because somehow, right now, I'm not proud of who I was during them?  Will anything change soon?!

Well, yes! There's something, something occupying my mind. I mean it's trying to, trying to jam into my mind so that I think about it and... and I know that the consequences are not on my side! That's why I don't want to talk, I don't want to think. Because I don't want to ruin it. Because it's so sweet to be true. It's like a dream coming bit by bit true. But here's why I don't want to think it over. Because it's like happening in a wrong time. Because, I've let go that dream months ago and I've moved on and had other dreams. Why is it coming to chase me again?! Because every dream we dream, if it doesn't come true when it's supposed to, it loses its identity. I guess! So...I'll just live it as it is. I won't think about it or even mention it. Like I forget it happened. And I'll try to enjoy it as much as I can, so that when it all goes away, I don't get hurt and I don't get to miss it too. Because ...