Daydreams...

Mixed up emotions. Overflow of emotions. Stream of negative thoughts. Hurtful feelings and words in the air. Fake people all around. They keep me wondering: Is it them? Or is it me?! Healing is not easy. Healing must be earned. All good in the world needs effort, and all evil is pretty cheap! I deserve much better than that. Yet, I keep settling for what’s low and empty! Will it ever be? Could it ever be true? Will I be surprised someday? "The future is not ours to see." ~ Doris Day I miss the magic in the words. This is taking longer than expected. I’ll never do this again to myself. This is not right. It’s not healthy. It’s not a challenge. It’s a self destruction process. Do you think it’s possible to love someone who you don’t like? Do you think you can live with someone you don’t like? Do you think it can be controlled? Do you think it’ll be pinky and butterflies all the time? أنا مشتتة Today will pass. So will tomorrow. "Regrets a...

Now that it's only three days left for this year to end and a new year begins, I can tell that it has been a rapid year. It has been exactly how I predicted it. A year full of events, a very busy one. It has passed too quickly that I honestly can't remember what had I exactly done. I know I did a lot, I know I've been through a lot. I know I have had many random and conflicting feelings and thoughts about myself, my life, and my surrounding. And I'm sure I have learned a lot, or so I hope. I'm still learning though. See, I don’t actually consider this restart of the days counter as a stop and replay of life. Life goes on. That's a fact no one can change. Life is playing live and I have to pace with it. I can't stop now. So I don’t know what to tell you. Because all days have been the same, and all the coming days will also be the same. Yet I know I have achieved. Indeed I've witnessed a new beginning for my life; a kind of. I've grown up a year, I h...

The great question: How to get what you need and not just what you want? Answer: Simply be smart enough to want what you need! Know yourself well, then know what you need, then want it, desire it. And as it is easier for you to get what you want, then it'll be much easier to get what you need and what you want all at the same time. Piece of cake, right?! Well, no, it isn't; I know!

You'll be asked to show up at places, and you'll be asked to do things, you have to do them right, very right actually, or else you'll be misjudged and you'll just be known as a looser. Those are the rules of life, you can't skip them. So what you do? What you do?! You do your best, nothing more and nothing less. And nothing else is asked from you! How you do it is the question, and the answer is that you do it with confidence, you do it with pride, you do it as if you're doing nothing wrong. And you're not lying about it because you are already doing your best, and your best can never be wrong. So be confident when you do your best that your best will never fail you.

It's bad that I don't have a post under the date of Jan 1; I've been trying hard to think of something. And it's bad that I don't have anything to say, I mean I do have things to say, but nothing of which I'd like to be saying. And this is getting really weird and dull. And here comes my fear. Yes, I'm afraid, again, that I'm getting myself into a dull process of life. I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just afraid that I might complain someday and this is the one thing I would never like to do. So, I'll get myself into a challenge, a challenge to love that place and what I do there. And I've already cleared out my intentions, I'll be there giving, and not taking anything in reward, because those people are kind and good and they deserve it, they deserve my giving. So, this is how a teacher feels?! Why does everything gets messed up and mixed up with "fear"?! Fear, you're a very bad "thing"!! I won't...

Here it comes, my let out, the air my mind breathes, my best friend, my guide and mentor, my love, my work, my life and my everything. It's this white page. This white page calls me every night and it asks me: "How was your day?!" "Is there something bothering you?" "You look happy today, oh tell me I can't wait to be happy for you." "Have you learnt anything today?!" "Have you got a story to share?" ... Some nights I answer it, because I'm so desperate to talk. Other nights I ignore its call just because I don't have a suitable answer. And sometimes the answer is so, so long that it'll take days to tell, not just a night. But it still calls me every single night, and it has never given up on me, it's a true and real friend. Sometimes it has things to tell me too -yes it's a two sided relation- things it wants me to learn, and enjoy listening and talking about. It's incredible and amazing. Tonight is o...

It has been two days. They seem like a lifetime. And I refuse to make them longer! I'm trying to persist... But... " There's no right or wrong, there's only public opinion. "  There's also common sense! Things are totally messed up everywhere around me. And I'm afraid we're going back to there. Yes, it has been almost a year and it's not over yet. But these things take time, and it's good to take time, because things that come quickly collapse in no time! And we're fighting for a change that is to remain forever. But the pattern of how things go on is scary. It keeps going up and down so frequently and sometimes we don't go up at all, but we go more to the down! And we keep going down and entering critical sections, but then we recover, for a while, and step up a few steps but then we step down again and even more and more down. Till when we'll be swinging? When will everything be stable again going in a straight line th...