Daydreams...

It's just .. still .. meaningless! Whatever I would say would be meaningless. And this is a true awful feeling. To never have a meaning out of anything you say! I've been waiting for too long not to write what I'm writing now. But I couldn't wait longer. This is not what I want to say, and this is not how I think I want to look like. This is not me, and this is not who I dreamed to be. Though yes, from some certain few angles, it does look like me, but overall I think I'm not the one I think I am. See, there's a huge difference between who I actually am, who I wish to be, and who I work hard to become. Three different persons, and they are all me! I've talked a lot about me, which I hate! Which is meaningless! This isn't right.

It's bad that I don't have a post under the date of Jan 1; I've been trying hard to think of something. And it's bad that I don't have anything to say, I mean I do have things to say, but nothing of which I'd like to be saying. And this is getting really weird and dull. And here comes my fear. Yes, I'm afraid, again, that I'm getting myself into a dull process of life. I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just afraid that I might complain someday and this is the one thing I would never like to do. So, I'll get myself into a challenge, a challenge to love that place and what I do there. And I've already cleared out my intentions, I'll be there giving, and not taking anything in reward, because those people are kind and good and they deserve it, they deserve my giving. So, this is how a teacher feels?! Why does everything gets messed up and mixed up with "fear"?! Fear, you're a very bad "thing"!! I won't...

Here it comes, my let out, the air my mind breathes, my best friend, my guide and mentor, my love, my work, my life and my everything. It's this white page. This white page calls me every night and it asks me: "How was your day?!" "Is there something bothering you?" "You look happy today, oh tell me I can't wait to be happy for you." "Have you learnt anything today?!" "Have you got a story to share?" ... Some nights I answer it, because I'm so desperate to talk. Other nights I ignore its call just because I don't have a suitable answer. And sometimes the answer is so, so long that it'll take days to tell, not just a night. But it still calls me every single night, and it has never given up on me, it's a true and real friend. Sometimes it has things to tell me too -yes it's a two sided relation- things it wants me to learn, and enjoy listening and talking about. It's incredible and amazing. Tonight is o...