Daydreams...

Sometimes I feel like I need to breakdown and become weak. I believe I'm too strong that I'm starting to doubt the truthfulness of my feelings! And though I know that this is not true, that I do feel the pain, I'm just not so good enough at showing it. Or maybe I express it in ways other than the common breakdowns. I'm unique you know. And I don't understand why do I see my positive points as negatives, all the time. I mean it's good that I'm strong, yet I don't want this!! I want to be normal?! And who defines normality?? Rather than thinking that I'm not true enough, why don't I think that I'm doing it right, that I'm wiser than most of people. Why do I lower my self esteem, instead of boosting it? I'm perfect the way I am. And I won't even start mentioning what I do wrong in my life. At least for a while. Until I get to believe in myself again.

I stood on an edge. I thought I would fly. And in a blink I found myself dead on the ground. They say expectations is the root of all heartache. It's true you know. When disappointments are all you are left with, will there be anything left to say?! You have thrown me so many times before. And this time you've thrown yourself with me too. We're both dead now. I don't blame you. Never will I. I've trusted you all my life and that won't change now. Because I have faith, huge faith, that Allah gives me the best of the best and there will be so many beautiful things waiting for me. I have faith that Allah's mercy is a lot bigger than any blocks falling on my head. And I understand how it's hard for you too. I appreciate all the things you did for me and all the dreams you dreamed. But as far as it comes to us, we'll never be each other's. Not even in our dreams, not anymore. I never wanted to give up on us that easily, but it seems ...