Daydreams...

I'm running away. I don't feel as liberated as I might seem. I haven't yet gotten out of my prison. Not even close. And I'm running away from facing my fears. I don't want to think much, and I'm happy that I'm busy working all the time. I can't even recognize if I am really enjoying work, or am I just finding excuses to escape the heart ache that I might be experiencing. I'm afraid I'm faking strength and control. I am actually weaker and more vulnerable than ever before. I am just saying, that I am still not honest with myself. I still need to heal, and I'm still not on the right path of healing. I'm deeply frustrated, and I'm re-giving back this pretended control.

In my reality, you are not the man of my dreams. Hold on a second, you're not even in my dreams! It's the first time, since you departed, that I am fine with the fact that you will not stay in my life any longer. I am not holding grudges any more. I am letting you go, gratefully, and I don't want you to even try any harder. Because, well, you have just lost all your chances. I'm setting you free. You are no longer obligated to do anything. In fact, you have always been free, and it has been always your call. This time, I am just not holding any expectations. Actually, I am denying the whole idea. I am taking control, and I am rejecting!