Daydreams...

Two days ago, I woke up saying to myself: "I can do better!" Yesterday I woke up saying: "I could be better!" And, today, I said: "I deserve better!" Something is definitely wrong, and I am stuck! It's like these words are chasing me, and they come and hit me in the mornings to ruin my day. And every day feels like I'm fighting a very hard battle against my self pettiness. Looks like it is winning these days! Pray for me, please!

If I say no, I’ll end years of suffering, years to come and years that are gone. And if I say yes, I’ll give us another one little weak chance of hope. I never wanted to be the one who decides. Because deep down I don’t want to be the one who has killed our hope, and our love. I don’t want to be the one who shoots the final bullet. And the fact that you keep putting me in charge makes me hate you even more. You have left me stuck, once more. Giving me no other option except rejecting your final offer, or even if I accept it, I’ll have no hopes at all.

Dreams hurt. When you dream of things that are beyond reality. Dreams are then hurtful. Don’t tell me nothing is impossible and you can make all dreams come true. Because, well, yes nothing is impossible and all dreams can come true, but some dreams are just unrealistic to an extent that the idea of them coming true would be a dramatic shocking truth. So, no they won’t easily come true, not even hardly. They just won’t, however how happy they are. And then they leave you helpless, breathless, unable to think or move. And you keep wondering: “Why now? and What does it mean?” Because at the moment you thought you were over it, you stopped thinking about it, and that it wouldn't be a problem to you anymore, you find yourself dreaming of it, thinking of it deep inside the back of your head. The funny part is that you were so happy in your dream. The kind of happiness you think you truly deserve. Everyone was happy too. It was like something even beyond your wildest drea...

So, once again, I'm stuck in the world of dreams. Dreams which only exist between the walls of my brain. And I'm not happy. I've been happier when the walls of my brain were empty, and my hands were busy working on the world of realities. And I know, I know what bought me back to the dreams, I know what made me hide again inside the walls of my brain. And I don't know how to get myself out of myself. I'm stuck!