Daydreams...

I'm running away. I don't feel as liberated as I might seem. I haven't yet gotten out of my prison. Not even close. And I'm running away from facing my fears. I don't want to think much, and I'm happy that I'm busy working all the time. I can't even recognize if I am really enjoying work, or am I just finding excuses to escape the heart ache that I might be experiencing. I'm afraid I'm faking strength and control. I am actually weaker and more vulnerable than ever before. I am just saying, that I am still not honest with myself. I still need to heal, and I'm still not on the right path of healing. I'm deeply frustrated, and I'm re-giving back this pretended control.

Some people just amaze me! They know nothing about me, they have no idea what is going on my mind and heart, they can't even figure out where I am, or what is happening in my life right now, or how things have changed since the last time they checked on me, yet they give themselves the right to judge me. And they don't listen to me when I try to speak to defend myself, or even to confirm their claims. They are just amazing!

The pain stays inside the heart of the broken. It never leaves. It just gets forgotten within all the other emotions indulging the heart. This is why they say that the best medicine to heal a broken heart is engaging it with other positive feelings. An expensive medicine it is indeed. However, the pain is worth forgetting. It's hard. To pretend that the last four years of your life haven't existed. Yet, it's worth pretending. I'll pretend it's okay. Isn't it??