Daydreams...

A year and two days ago, I've said: "One can't live without having what's worth living for. As one tale ends so another begins; and as each day is a new tale to be told, each day is a day to learn and know more, each day is a day to dream and hope.  Then each day deserves to be written. And I'll commit to writing everyday. I'll commit to what's worth living for. Let's call it a project that I'll be working on and you're helping me. Let's say I'll be writing my next whole year, everyday over here. And together we'll help and support, we'll learn and know, we'll inspire and change, we'll share thoughts and insights and we'll face life with a smile even when it keeps frowning." So, Happy Anniversary dear blog, my daydreams. And though I've promised to write my whole past year, I didn't keep my promise. I've only written less than half a year. However, I'm not to say that the...

It happens to a lot of people, different people. Denial. They say grief has many faces, one of them is denial. You may spend a whole day hiding behind a mask of happiness, like you can take in as much as the world might give you, like you can do everything that can be done in this whole world. But, then something happens to break you. It may be something too strong and deep that it has the ability to awaken the rage that is within you. Or it may be a pushy person pushing you to speak and talk, and keeps reminding you of how sad you actually should be. It usually comes at the end of the day, the breaking down, after you get deeply tired, tired of holding that mask on your face, tired of how hard you have worked to prove that you can take in the cruel world you may be living in, tired of draining your physical and emotional energy away of you, and tired of that pushy person beside you begging you to talk and speak. Then when you do, speak up and say what's truly on your mind and i...

I'm really sorry, really sorry. Because I've been better. I am better.I know that. Just, I can't! I can't be better now. I'm lost, too lost. Like I'm left in the middle of the sea, all alone, with no wind to sail the boat! And I'm wondering! Who am I? What I do? And what made me get on this boat?! If only I can go back in time! Well, I don't know exactly what would I have done?! But I'm sure I would have tried harder. I would have tried harder to save myself from getting on that boat while there's no wind to sail it. Or maybe I would have fought harder to get some air to help me cross this huge, appearing calm, ocean. I would have been different. I wish I were different, just a little bit! --Today, all I had in mind is: Have I just lost all of my five past years? Because somehow, right now, I'm not proud of who I was during them?  Will anything change soon?!

It's like I'm okay till I get to remember you! And, it doesn't end there, it goes all the way to you and your life. What hurts the most is knowing that your life is good and you're happy, but I'm not the reason. I, then, ask myself: Where am I? Did you ask yourself such a question?! That place didn't fit me. I don't fit to those people or to their lives. Like they are in pace with each other, each one has an update and a story to tell. But I'm totally out of pace, I'm quiet. But I do so much believe that each one has a totally different life than the other, and it's not necessary to have a life like theirs, I just need to have a life. I only have a dream of  life.  [Read  this ! It's important. The picture is from there too.] Another friend of mine got married today! Wow,  I'm really so happy for her, she deserves the best! =)) And after all, I've enjoyed a warm family dinner. It was so pleasing and sweet, just like years a...