Daydreams...

What am I supposed to do when you're not there by my side? I turn to my left and I expect to see you; you're not there. Time doesn't pass easily without your sweet words and looks. And I live a hard time when I don't hear your voice. Yet, I understand that you had to go. I even understand that you shouldn't be here where I want you to be. I understand that you're only available in the world of my dreams. I understand that I can fancy as much as I'd like, and nothing will ever become true. And I also understand that it's out of your hands. You don't know. And you shouldn't know. But I can't help not saying that I wish I had a brother like you.

You should have asked first. You really did. It isn't something that you own alone. We all did. Not just because it was first suggested by you, you'll consider yourself the only one responsible for it! We should have talked about it. Maybe we could have found another different solution than the one you came up with and forced on all of us. Maybe I would have suggested that we break it all up. Maybe you would have spoken to me about how important we should keep going and never give up. You should have cared, about how I would feel, about how we'd all feel. We should have studied it together, analyzed it from each other's views, and came up with a decision that satisfies all of us. Now see where you've put me. I'm there, yet I'm absent. I'm not interested anymore, and I'm losing my passion. And, to me, it no longer feels mine. It's all yours, and according to your decision, do whichever you'd like about it. You're forcing me to go. Yet...

I had a plan that I made when I was desperate for a new life and a new experience. Because I had a time when I lost it all, or thought I had lost it all. I lost my dream and passion, I lost my friends and my social life, I lost my work and my ambitions. At that time I used to hide and cave in my own shell. At that time I thought life was worthless and useless. And at that time I was desperately seeking every mean to get myself out of that haze. And I made myself a plan. A plan that satisfied me at the time. A plan seeking a new life and a new experience. Yet, the plan wasn't to be executed immediately, I had to wait for a couple of months or more. I was ready and pleased to wait, so I waited excitedly. Then, and I'm extremely grateful for what happened then, while I was waiting, a new life began to bloom and and present itself to me. I happily grabbed the opportunity that came into my hands without even asking or seeking. And I am grateful. Though, it's not yet ...