Daydreams...

It happens to a lot of people, different people. Denial. They say grief has many faces, one of them is denial. You may spend a whole day hiding behind a mask of happiness, like you can take in as much as the world might give you, like you can do everything that can be done in this whole world. But, then something happens to break you. It may be something too strong and deep that it has the ability to awaken the rage that is within you. Or it may be a pushy person pushing you to speak and talk, and keeps reminding you of how sad you actually should be. It usually comes at the end of the day, the breaking down, after you get deeply tired, tired of holding that mask on your face, tired of how hard you have worked to prove that you can take in the cruel world you may be living in, tired of draining your physical and emotional energy away of you, and tired of that pushy person beside you begging you to talk and speak. Then when you do, speak up and say what's truly on your mind and i...

I understand that it has been long since I last talked or felt anything. I understand that sometimes life takes us away from the things we want to stick to. I understand that we lose control over the simplest things in life. And I understand that sometimes, just like now, everything can go blank like it has never been before. That sometimes it's okay to break down, to get some rest, or to wait a while. Just wait. I, also, understand that some simple words could do the whole job and a few lines can tell a lifetime story. That there is nothing to worry about, nothing is worth worrying about, except one thing. One thing that you know well, it's the one thing you are living for. And I understand that that one thing is worth dying for, not just living. ....

You'll be asked to show up at places, and you'll be asked to do things, you have to do them right, very right actually, or else you'll be misjudged and you'll just be known as a looser. Those are the rules of life, you can't skip them. So what you do? What you do?! You do your best, nothing more and nothing less. And nothing else is asked from you! How you do it is the question, and the answer is that you do it with confidence, you do it with pride, you do it as if you're doing nothing wrong. And you're not lying about it because you are already doing your best, and your best can never be wrong. So be confident when you do your best that your best will never fail you.

Sometimes I really wish I could escape the real world, stay stuck in a dream or a movie I love to watch. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't wake up from my sleep or that this moment right now never ends. Sometimes it's really hard and I'm too tired to face my life, so I back down and hide for a while. Sometimes I'm even too lazy to sleep and get ready for a better tomorrow and have a fresh start! Is it a fear of the future? Maybe. But I move on anyway, that's life, I'm stuck in my reality and I have to deal with it. And all that talk about you have to change your reality if you don't like it, well I'm trying really hard to fight myself and how it dwells me into never changing my life. And here's something, I came now to tell that to you, because I want to change, because I have to! At least all I can do is to try and think about it over and over till I figure it out! Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.2

They say I should write the book I wish to read. Here's the thing, all the books that I wish to read have already been written before. So, it's easier for me to read them than to write them. Plus what would I be adding if I wrote a book which has been written many times before? I'm lost, I feel like I'm running out of time, and I don't want to run just because I'm running out of time, and I don't know how much time left do I have.And I know I can't get any help. All I can do is to whine about how lost I am and just that. But I know something that I should do. I should keep on trying, everyday. Even if I just try to try harder everyday, one day I'll be able to do it. I know that and I believe in myself, and I'm optimistic. Still, today I'm cranky!!

Yesterday is not coming back, however bad or good, it ends at the moment we fall asleep. And tomorrow is a new day to come, that's a fact you can't run away from. By new I mean that it's totally unpredictable, even if you can do some guessing, you can never be sure, never! But today is your day, the only day you have a full control of. Today starts the minute you wake up; and then you have a choice to make at the minute you open up your eyes and get fully conscious. It's a decision whether you'll gladly accept today, the day that's given to you to be in full control of it, or you'd throw it away. It's your choice. Today I've chosen to do, get out and just go get what I want! Today was like a dream coming true, what happened in every minute of the day and how I felt was just indescribable. Hope spoke to me today, it whispered into my ears and said that it's looking upon me. Then some very true friendship came along to say that it exists really ...

I'm really sorry, really sorry. Because I've been better. I am better.I know that. Just, I can't! I can't be better now. I'm lost, too lost. Like I'm left in the middle of the sea, all alone, with no wind to sail the boat! And I'm wondering! Who am I? What I do? And what made me get on this boat?! If only I can go back in time! Well, I don't know exactly what would I have done?! But I'm sure I would have tried harder. I would have tried harder to save myself from getting on that boat while there's no wind to sail it. Or maybe I would have fought harder to get some air to help me cross this huge, appearing calm, ocean. I would have been different. I wish I were different, just a little bit! --Today, all I had in mind is: Have I just lost all of my five past years? Because somehow, right now, I'm not proud of who I was during them?  Will anything change soon?!

It's bad that I don't have a post under the date of Jan 1; I've been trying hard to think of something. And it's bad that I don't have anything to say, I mean I do have things to say, but nothing of which I'd like to be saying. And this is getting really weird and dull. And here comes my fear. Yes, I'm afraid, again, that I'm getting myself into a dull process of life. I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just afraid that I might complain someday and this is the one thing I would never like to do. So, I'll get myself into a challenge, a challenge to love that place and what I do there. And I've already cleared out my intentions, I'll be there giving, and not taking anything in reward, because those people are kind and good and they deserve it, they deserve my giving. So, this is how a teacher feels?! Why does everything gets messed up and mixed up with "fear"?! Fear, you're a very bad "thing"!! I won't...