Daydreams...

You know what? It's not about who have hurt you! It's about what you had together. What standards you were put on and then suddenly crashed and got broken down. It's about the how and the why-you-got-hurt. And that's a relative thing. What hurts you might not hurt me. And how you handle problems isn't like how I handle them. And every case is different, unique actually. You can't ever have the same judgement twice. Maybe it's nonsense, but it's something. A huge something! Because sometimes, expectations deceive you. Sometimes this, everything you have been living, might just turn to be a big illusion!

" Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere? Or would it be a waste?" Every day I ask myself this question. I can never answer it quickly and strictly but some days I give myself the answer that I should give up. Other, mush less, days I stay determined to keep chasing the pavements and the shadows on the pavements. Everyday! I'm always on level 1, never made it to level 2. Never crossed over. I start everything and never finish a thing. However, I keep trying and I fail and I don't understand. And I keep trying... I'm a heavy heart to carry... !

Everyday, words invade my mind, drifting my attention away. But the words never left my mind. And then they blew away as well as the life they have taken from me, leaving me with a white page today that I desperately need to color in black and white. I love black and white photos, they are absolute and clear and real and cold!

And guess what! If you regret not being confident enough, then that surly means that you regret not making mistakes! So go ahead and do mistakes, have no fear. You have no idea how beautiful that is.

Could that be it?  I still refuse to accept the reality....that what was there in my life before is no longer here. I'm trapped in the past of beautiful events, causes and dreams. My present is opaque; and it's too foggy to see where the road is heading to. Could life be just that and never changes?!

I know you were trying to help me, figure it out for me and solve my problem. But what I really needed was for you to listen to me and my silly talk. I need your help, but that what you offer I get it as a depressing talk!  Don't ever start by saying that I haven't done my job well. Don't assume that I don't know what my work is. You think you know all the facts, all that you need to judge me and assume correctly, but you're wrong! So wrong actually and you've hurt me that way! And you know it!! So don't play the victim part now and say that my response was tough! In fact I'm the victim here and you should apologize!  This's just typical; a cliche! 

Disappointed! Couldn't believe what you're witnessing?! Yes that happens all the time. When you start figuring out how fake people can be. When you keep searching for the same things in the same place and you never find it because simply it isn't there anymore. When you refuse to think differently because you have a beautiful hope that you wish not to let it go. When you hold on too much onto nothing thinking it might turn out to be something. It's the same ever since the start; it's the same everywhere and every time. Same scenario of the same story repeated all over again without a single slight change. Yes, maybe no one changes how hard they have been beaten up and hurt, maybe no one learns enough to be the greatest winner at the end of the game.  And for some reason nothing tastes the same; everything became tasteless. And even the thing that gives the best taste you forget to eat it.  Yes, this is reality. Don't be overwhelmed by the mask

Today I'm negative. And at this exact moment I Hate People!  I'm focusing on all those who has let me down, took me and my love for granted and those who just forgot all about me and moved on with their lives. At this moment I don't want to think about others who may be in distress as well. I want to be selfish! Because I feel broken, I feel vulnerable. I can't think and I can't talk. And I don't know how to fake a smile. They say, it's easier to write when you're sad more than when you're happy. Because you've got a lot to say about what breaks you, you've got a lot of confused struggling feelings inside you, and thus you end up writing. This is not the case right now. Right now I just want to say: I HATE YOU!! And I'm really sorry about this! I'm in denial. Maybe I just need to blame others more than I blame me. So, I'm sorry that I have to ask for my right to break down, request to stay alone and say it out loud in every ne

Sometimes I wish to say this... People, when you're happy don't forget others who just might not be happy as you. People, don't get mad at those who stood you up in a one single situation and forget all the good they have been giving you since long without asking for an exchange. People, don't judge others. No matter what really happens or how much information you've got, Don't ever judge anyone. It's cruel, it's unfair and it's simply not your right to do it. And don't talk about what you have no idea about! People, don't go away and apart of those who you love just because you hadn't had a chance to stick to them. Create that chance, please. People, don't build walls. Not even to see who's strong enough to come and break them up. Always keep the door open to those who might need you and you'll eventually find a way open for you when you need a place to go to. People, apologize for the very small mistakes

Go get a paper and a pen, or a laptop, or even a keyboard and a monitor. Sit down comfortably in a writing position, and write down the first sentence that comes on your mind as if you're trying the pen or the keyboard. And set them free, those words that are hidden in the back of your mind, those words that you're not aware of their presence inside you. Let yourself talk to you, let it share with you your biggest secrets or your worst fears. Inspire, amaze and amuse yourself. Give yourself some of your time and feel the connection. Befriend yourself!

There's a beauty in things that are not seen.                      Trying to hide a smile inside yourself is beautiful.  Figuring out a secret , all by yourself, is beautiful .      Having something to say to someone else, but you prefer keeping it inside, is beautiful. Getting the chance to know what has been hidden inside someone else's heart is beautiful.                 Listening to a song and dreaming of it being dedicated to you is beautiful.  Having a dream is beautiful .                                           Chasing your dream is beautiful .  Knowing someone else's wish is beautiful.          Feeling the happiness of someone else is beautiful.  Sharing sadness with someone else is also beautiful. Having a momen t when you both think of the exact same thing is beautiful.    Praying for someone else without being asked to, is beautiful. Thinking that someone out there might just be praying for you too is als

I don't want to tell you that I'm waiting for a reply, though I actually am. And I don't want either to tell you that I don't care about what you'll have to say. But telling you is a devastating process that I have to go through every time I feel like telling you something. Because you go there and lock yourself up and then knocking at your door doesn't even satisfy you! It's hard to deal with the fact that you are important to me, yet I sometimes have to act as if you don't exist. After all, you're my  wonderwall ! :)

"وقع الفأس في الراس" That's how we say it. When what we've been running and hiding from all of our lives just suddenly appears from nowhere, looks to you in the eye and with an evil smile it tells you: "Hey, I've come. Show me what would you do now?!!" And it has come; today I saw it's first intentions of a brutal attack. I've got none of any defense plans. I don't even know how to put such a plan. I've actually not decided yet if I really want to fight it or not. Maybe I'll just let in, invade my life as it demands and I'll surrender to the acts of fate. Because that was my actual plan from the beginning, to never fight fate. But I believe it's going to be a bloody war; someone won't survive for sure. All I'll do is accept and promise myself to stand still and never go astray. After all ... "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger!"

" There is no pain.  Just atoms becoming humans and picnics, lovers and stars. And then something else. And sometimes it feels like if the wind blew too hard, it'd take us all with it. You don't have to close your eyes. There is no pain. Just atoms becoming the blood that pumps through your heart and the knot in your throat, the clouds above us and air inside your lungs. There's nothing to cry about. There is no pain. Just the light from distant suns and flocks of birds. The sensation of time passing. Waves against the sky. Those shudders than run through your body, aren't there. Your nose isn't blocked. There is no pain. " --  I wrote this for you Enough to remind us that life is just...life. That we are created from void and one day everything around us, as well as we, will become void again! And all that we worry about today will just seem to have been in vain tomorrow. So please smile for that's the best thing you can do right now at

Sorry, but I don't believe you're still the same person who I've chosen to become my friend. And maybe you're still just the same as before, never changed. Both cases, sorry I don't feel we are for each other anymore. We have gone too far away, two separate paths, two totally different lives. And I believe I have changed tremendously. I don't know about you, but my change is enough to say: Sorry, we can't be friends anymore! Though I really miss our friendship! But giving it a second thought, that kind of friendship we had that I miss was just for a very short period of time. You gave me some of my best days ever and I owe you that. I hope you felt the same about those days we had together. But then everything went wrong and we parted and parted miles away. Those best days, this kind of friendship, can just Never come back, how hard we tried. I'm really Sorry!

First times, they can be the worst or the best, the toughest or the easiest, the happiest or the saddest. But they come anyway. They can't be ever skipped, or else nothing would ever actually happen. First times are spontaneous, risky and they always come with a surprise. They might be just perfect or just like nothing can be worse. Yes, first times open the door to the other coming times. They draw the routes of the ever-after. Yes, first times are sensitive and critical. But first times are also accepted and can easily be re-directed, all at the same time. First times are always forgiven and passed, or forever held as a memory in the heart. Finally I had the chance to feel it, the feeling I longed to feel. And I hope it'll come again with the happiness it came with today! yes Again! =)