Daydreams...

Learning isn't easy at all. It is never a one semester; it needs a lifetime to make you understand. It needs a hell lot of practice to make you believe; words are never enough. It doesn't matter how much you want to talk about it or listen what others have to say. It never ends once you understand. It never ends actually. It just begins by words; actions finish the work. You're not done until you're done. It isn't over until you come over it. And yes I do agree that the common belief is that it actually ends when you understand, because the remaining part is actually pretty easy. But NO it's not. Not that easy to ignore it; not that easy to happen by itself. So don't fool yourself out there. I'll only believe that you really do understand when you actually do it. I won't believe you again when you tell: "Yes I know that. Okay!" I'm sick of hearing you! I want to see you actually doing it. And if you ever again ask me HOW?! I...

Now I understand.  The simplicity of words that come to simplify your life; like simply saying: "He died." Or the complexity of words that make you comprehend; like saying: "Life is a shooting star!" I understand when telling a simple story, or even simpler: a life update, could be much more inspiring than telling a whole novel that leaves you dizzy. I understand when silence can show a deep true emotion but a loud scream hides it instead. I understand when enough is not enough, and more is actually less. I understand when a bright diamond can come out of dimmed carbon. And I understand when it's all over but then a breath comes out. I simply understand that I don't understand it at all. August, 13

What are you looking for after you had already found what you have always wanted to find? Where did all of that go? Why has it changed? It's strange that it has always been about loving you. I loved you ever since the first time I saw you. On that day you looked familiar and I thought you're the kind of friend I want, or you're the kind of person I want to be like. And till now and though all those hard feelings I carried in my heart for you, I still love you and look up to you. It's sad to get to know that she was happier back then, she was happier with those other people you didn't get to be with. She's not happy with you now, her smile is beaten up and all that's left of her is a dried tear. June, 25  

"It's a fragile thing, happiness." As well as madness, sadness, and even pleasure. Everything is volatile and fragile. This moment will pass as all moments had done before. Life is short. Nothing is stable. Change is the only constant. And the clock keeps ticking. Only one thing, one thing stays still, it's your peaceful soul. It's the only thing you can always seek and actually find when change happens. It's the only thing you're living for. اللهم اجعل نفوسنا نفوس مطمئنة...مطمئنة بذكر الله August, 13

Still the same, exactly. Time had passed and I thought it no longer mattered to me. But somehow it has been there all the time, there at the back of my head waiting for a trigger to be released. I miss you. In every way, I miss you. But it's so hard to miss you after all that has been through. Actually nothing has been through and that's why it's hard. Because you're too far away and you don't seem like you need to come any nearer. And I thought I looked to the opposite direction and took my steps away too. Yes I did that. But a picture of yours brought me back to where I was. Back to you. Back to find that everything is just the same, and that's why I didn't change, I couldn't, because nothing has ever changed in the first place. Just the same thing, you always seem to insist on letting me down. One way or another I got hurt and left but you got me back. Please keep insisting till I finally leave. August, 11

"To devote yourself to the creation and enjoyment of beauty can be a serious business - not always necessarily a means of escaping reality, but sometimes a means of holding on to the real when everything else is flaking away into a plot." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert from "Eat Pray Love"

Yesterday was my grandpa's funeral. There's always a first time for everything. And yesterday was my first time of many things, my first time to go to the graves and my first time to see my brother shedding tears. I only want to share this. It has been a huge experience for me. A one that I'm glad I had it. You'll find that weird, I know. But I'm glad I've been there and I'm glad I had the honor of being beside him on his last day. And actually I won't hope to not to go there ever again because if I ever had to go there again, then I badly want to be there again. I'll just hope that my next visit would be a long after. "إن كل نفس ذائقة الموت" Please pray for my grandpa and read for him الفاتحة.  August, 5

"Promise yourself to be strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on the greater achievements of the future." Reading this reminded me of you, only you. It's written on my new notebook, the notebook I'm writing in it my 'voyage'. I know I've been too lazy lately to come here everyday and I understand if you got mad at me because of this and ever wondered why??! I won't promise you to come back soon, I'll let surprises enter our life. I'll only say this: I lost the ability to describe a 'daydream', and till I get it back I'll go on my voyage. Ramadan Kareem. May it be a blessed month for all of us. And may Allah accept our good deeds. Allah bless you and keeps you safe. I love you. =)